Get your freedom while it's hot!
I have some new inventions I'm going to throw at you. I'm throwing my hat into the GPS ring and see if I can make a buck or two. What started as a star wars experiment by the DOD is now freely available for civilian use thanks to our old pal President Reagan. Thanks Ronald for making available a military technology that I plan on exploiting to shore up my dwindling retirement account. I noticed the other day that there are GPS 's for tracking your family. They say you can put them in cars, knapsacks and the like. Can you imagine being a teenager and having to deal with this? If my parents actually knew where I was going every night I'd still be grounded! It certainly affords teens the opportunity to screw with the parental units by stashing the locator on a carnie bus or on an express train to China. This is probably not the greatest idea but we'll have to endure the societal growing pains over the obvious moral conflicts. Despite that, millions of insecure Americans will spend the dough-ray-me for a little ill conceived piece of mind. The next iteration of family tracking comes in the form of GPS lingerie. Yeah, Valentine's Day is coming up so why not buy your honey a sexy gadget which some are calling the 21st century chasity belt. See if she's wearing the teddy you bought her at another dudes house! Or worse, the corner of Sistrunk Ave and MLK! That will make for some interesting banter at your next family therapy session. Again, not everyone thinks this is a good idea and feminist panties all over the world are already in a bunch. Not that this should make too much of a stink cause you know wives are going to be stashing the aforementioned Family Tracker in their husbands briefcases to keep those sudden late night board meetings on the proverbial radar. Now there are many good uses for this technology. Do you like to beat your wife? Don't move to Spain. They just agreed to spend a shitload of money on GPS tracking devices to ensure the bad guys are complying with their restraining orders. Then there's Eric Hanson who would have gotten away with murder had it not been for the GPS navigation system in his Chevy. Wisconsin is tagging their child molestors but a system in Connecticut for tracking rapists doesn't seem to be working very well. Go figure.
With GPS technology doing so much good and bad in the universe I figured what the hell let's take a shot or a pint in this case hehe. Since we already have ways of tracking cars, criminals, crazy kids and cheating wives I thought of another consonant to round out the alliteration. With that I introduce to you the first and most obvious product in a line of more practical GPS services, the GPS Koozie! That's right! You'll never forget where you put your beer down again! Been drunk at a bar or a party? Go to the bathroom only to return to a missing beer? Tired of cleaning up all those half consumed aluminum cans at the end of the night? Well this little doo-dad will cure the short term memory laspes associated with binge drinking.
Here's how it works: We need to find a pint located at (x,y,z) that satisfies all three equations.
and
The rest is a lot of techno mumbo jumbo. I need to get going on this quickly otherwise Heinie is going to beat me to it. They already know when you're drinking their beer!
Look for more awesome GPS party products coming to a GB site near you. If any baglovers out there want to contribute a GPS idea please feel free. Like for the aging americans a GPS tracker for your keys. RightI What's the use of a GPS for your car if you can't find your keys? So GPS your keys then GPS your car then you'll probably have to GPS your house and hopefully once there you can just rock it old school and bump into walls until you find the bedroom. Otherwise just GPS it. Maybe a GPS for my socks so I can figure out where they've all run off to? There's a left foot sock party going on somewhere. If you do socks and keys then lighters and pens are obviously next. What if we took a Carlinistic approach to the issue? Like say for the recently betrothed perhaps a GPS locator for your sanity? Or for those with newborns a GPS for good sense? I actually know a bunch of bootygrazing single dudes in this town that could use the good sense GPS. Wait I have it. For most men who have been married for more than two years, a GPS for you balls! Yeah. For sexually inept men and women a GPS for downstairs? You know, down there (look down).
And without further ado, ze Baggage.
Sunday Sunday Sunday. Super scoring sunday! Super fantasy player scoring sunday! Holy effing points! After enduring low scoring games all year week 12 finally blows up with 23 teams scoring over 20 points and 4 of those teams breaking the 40 point barrier. With so many teams in playoff contention it looks like NFL 2008 will go out with a bang. Long overdue props to the over achieving Dolphins despite their manhandling this past weekend. Can we go from 1-15 one year to the playoffs the next??? I sure as hell hope so.
I went 2-0 this weekend just to make things interesting down the stretch. Since everyone wants to be like me, they all get an IE!
Records:
Ryanie -
Eagles 5-5-1
Falcons 7-4
Total 12-9-1
Jasonie -
Dolphins 6-5
Bears 6-5
Total 12-10
Randie -
Ravens 7-4
Texans 4-7
Total 11-11
Lennie -
Raiders 3-8
Rams 2-9
Total 5-17
It's completely lame that Ryan has a tie. Never in bag history have there been three players within one win of each other going into week 13. This will obviously go down to the wire. I expect Ryanie to tank the rest of the way and fall from the top spot. Philly's playing like Piper High and the Falcons have a tough road ahead with games against the Chargers, Saints, Bucs, Minnesota and St. Louis. Unfortunately Jasonie's in the cat bird seat. The Fish have St. Louis, Buffalo, San Fran and the Jets (woo hoo! love me some last place schedule) and Bang Bang has Minny, Jax, Green Bay, New Orleans and Houston. It would be bittersweet if the Fish carry his ass to the Overlordship. As for my teams, after thrashing the Iggles (my bag team is better than your bag team, nanny nanny poo poo) Baltimore's got Cinncy, Washington, Pitt, Dallas and Jax. The eternally bag-ridden Texans have Jax, Green Bay, Thumb Tacks, Oakland and Chicago. Not so good. Lennie's already cinched up the bag so no need to speak more on that. Since there have been so many red flags this year I propose we take a page from this guys book, sprinkle a little Barry Manilow on the problem and impose a stricter penalty. The shots just don't seem to be making people do their write ups.
later homeys!
RLS
squeaky bee contributed to this article.
PS. I missed a write up a few weeks ago but I did comp this awesome pic in honor of Lenny's attendance at the NKOTB show in October. Since you'll probably never get a write up Len, why don't you tell us all about it. We'd also like to hear about your Florida football adventures.
I have some new inventions I'm going to throw at you. I'm throwing my hat into the GPS ring and see if I can make a buck or two. What started as a star wars experiment by the DOD is now freely available for civilian use thanks to our old pal President Reagan. Thanks Ronald for making available a military technology that I plan on exploiting to shore up my dwindling retirement account. I noticed the other day that there are GPS 's for tracking your family. They say you can put them in cars, knapsacks and the like. Can you imagine being a teenager and having to deal with this? If my parents actually knew where I was going every night I'd still be grounded! It certainly affords teens the opportunity to screw with the parental units by stashing the locator on a carnie bus or on an express train to China. This is probably not the greatest idea but we'll have to endure the societal growing pains over the obvious moral conflicts. Despite that, millions of insecure Americans will spend the dough-ray-me for a little ill conceived piece of mind. The next iteration of family tracking comes in the form of GPS lingerie. Yeah, Valentine's Day is coming up so why not buy your honey a sexy gadget which some are calling the 21st century chasity belt. See if she's wearing the teddy you bought her at another dudes house! Or worse, the corner of Sistrunk Ave and MLK! That will make for some interesting banter at your next family therapy session. Again, not everyone thinks this is a good idea and feminist panties all over the world are already in a bunch. Not that this should make too much of a stink cause you know wives are going to be stashing the aforementioned Family Tracker in their husbands briefcases to keep those sudden late night board meetings on the proverbial radar. Now there are many good uses for this technology. Do you like to beat your wife? Don't move to Spain. They just agreed to spend a shitload of money on GPS tracking devices to ensure the bad guys are complying with their restraining orders. Then there's Eric Hanson who would have gotten away with murder had it not been for the GPS navigation system in his Chevy. Wisconsin is tagging their child molestors but a system in Connecticut for tracking rapists doesn't seem to be working very well. Go figure.
With GPS technology doing so much good and bad in the universe I figured what the hell let's take a shot or a pint in this case hehe. Since we already have ways of tracking cars, criminals, crazy kids and cheating wives I thought of another consonant to round out the alliteration. With that I introduce to you the first and most obvious product in a line of more practical GPS services, the GPS Koozie! That's right! You'll never forget where you put your beer down again! Been drunk at a bar or a party? Go to the bathroom only to return to a missing beer? Tired of cleaning up all those half consumed aluminum cans at the end of the night? Well this little doo-dad will cure the short term memory laspes associated with binge drinking.
Here's how it works: We need to find a pint located at (x,y,z) that satisfies all three equations.
and
The rest is a lot of techno mumbo jumbo. I need to get going on this quickly otherwise Heinie is going to beat me to it. They already know when you're drinking their beer!
Look for more awesome GPS party products coming to a GB site near you. If any baglovers out there want to contribute a GPS idea please feel free. Like for the aging americans a GPS tracker for your keys. RightI What's the use of a GPS for your car if you can't find your keys? So GPS your keys then GPS your car then you'll probably have to GPS your house and hopefully once there you can just rock it old school and bump into walls until you find the bedroom. Otherwise just GPS it. Maybe a GPS for my socks so I can figure out where they've all run off to? There's a left foot sock party going on somewhere. If you do socks and keys then lighters and pens are obviously next. What if we took a Carlinistic approach to the issue? Like say for the recently betrothed perhaps a GPS locator for your sanity? Or for those with newborns a GPS for good sense? I actually know a bunch of bootygrazing single dudes in this town that could use the good sense GPS. Wait I have it. For most men who have been married for more than two years, a GPS for you balls! Yeah. For sexually inept men and women a GPS for downstairs? You know, down there (look down).
And without further ado, ze Baggage.
Sunday Sunday Sunday. Super scoring sunday! Super fantasy player scoring sunday! Holy effing points! After enduring low scoring games all year week 12 finally blows up with 23 teams scoring over 20 points and 4 of those teams breaking the 40 point barrier. With so many teams in playoff contention it looks like NFL 2008 will go out with a bang. Long overdue props to the over achieving Dolphins despite their manhandling this past weekend. Can we go from 1-15 one year to the playoffs the next??? I sure as hell hope so.
I went 2-0 this weekend just to make things interesting down the stretch. Since everyone wants to be like me, they all get an IE!
Records:
Ryanie -
Eagles 5-5-1
Falcons 7-4
Total 12-9-1
Jasonie -
Dolphins 6-5
Bears 6-5
Total 12-10
Randie -
Ravens 7-4
Texans 4-7
Total 11-11
Lennie -
Raiders 3-8
Rams 2-9
Total 5-17
It's completely lame that Ryan has a tie. Never in bag history have there been three players within one win of each other going into week 13. This will obviously go down to the wire. I expect Ryanie to tank the rest of the way and fall from the top spot. Philly's playing like Piper High and the Falcons have a tough road ahead with games against the Chargers, Saints, Bucs, Minnesota and St. Louis. Unfortunately Jasonie's in the cat bird seat. The Fish have St. Louis, Buffalo, San Fran and the Jets (woo hoo! love me some last place schedule) and Bang Bang has Minny, Jax, Green Bay, New Orleans and Houston. It would be bittersweet if the Fish carry his ass to the Overlordship. As for my teams, after thrashing the Iggles (my bag team is better than your bag team, nanny nanny poo poo) Baltimore's got Cinncy, Washington, Pitt, Dallas and Jax. The eternally bag-ridden Texans have Jax, Green Bay, Thumb Tacks, Oakland and Chicago. Not so good. Lennie's already cinched up the bag so no need to speak more on that. Since there have been so many red flags this year I propose we take a page from this guys book, sprinkle a little Barry Manilow on the problem and impose a stricter penalty. The shots just don't seem to be making people do their write ups.
later homeys!
RLS
squeaky bee contributed to this article.
PS. I missed a write up a few weeks ago but I did comp this awesome pic in honor of Lenny's attendance at the NKOTB show in October. Since you'll probably never get a write up Len, why don't you tell us all about it. We'd also like to hear about your Florida football adventures.
