By: Boe Boe

Okay, so I don’t have the data to back up the above hypothesis, but I’d be willing to sponsor a master’s thesis to prove it. These people also teeter on the precipice of suffering a stroke every time the news stations make splashy graphics proclaiming 3 inches of slush as the “Storm of the Century!” and subsequently call the office, family and 311 every five minutes to see if the “Blizzard of 200X!” will enable them to spend the day watching Dr. Phil and eating Toll House cookies. I’m fairly certain that a multivariate regression would also show a strong correlation with these people having a predilection to taking their shoes off on airplanes and walking around in their socks, making small talk with anyone willing to listen about how they almost missed their connection in Cincinnati.

Personally, I avoid this breed at all cost.

*****

Speaking of undergarments, I entirely forgot about Halloween…I was on my way back from the airport when I noticed a bunch of cops talking to what appeared to be a gang of strippers. I had to do a double take, but it turns out there was extra police presence…presumably to ensure that the 98% of girls who like to dress up as a slut of some form (nurse/roller derby/nun/cheerleader/fairy) for Halloween got enough ogling. I really admire the ones with enough sense to drop the charade and just dress up like a plain ol’, whore-for-the-sake-of-being-a-whore, slut. 2007 was officially the Halloween of Side Boob. At this rate, I expect to see labia by 2012.

This is how our civilization is evolving.

And I’m not complaining.

*****

The Pats-Colts game itself was pretty damn exciting, ex-specially after yawning my way through the 1:00 games…I passed a couple hours watching the Skins and the Jets battling for futility, while hearing about how a certain someone (his last name rhymes with “Bueller”) purchases condoms online. I’m still not sure how I feel about that, but it gave me something to think about while I sucked down 20 ouncers of flat Bud Light and pondered how much of my life has been spent in 3rd and Long. I particularly enjoyed watching Balsac oscillate from jubilation (“Randy Moss scores! Brady is insane! Where’s the funnel!?!?) to his equally typical vitriolic self (“C’mon, the NFL is fixing this game so that Peyton Manning can satisfy his sponsors!!! FFFFFFFFFPPPPPPPPTHHHHHHHHHHTTT!!!”) Something tells me if their was a conspiracy in effect, Manning wouldn’t have coughed up the ball in the fourth quarter.

Congrats to the 9-0 Pats...may the kinfolk of New England enjoy all the revelry that the Florida Gators had in 2006.

But if you want to talk conspiracies, my money is still on an F16 owned by the US Gub’ment - not the passengers - dropping UA Flight 93 in the fields of Pennsyltucky.

*****

I’m hitting .500 with my bag teams this year, and in this league, that’s all you can ask for. Coincidentally, both teams won bag matchups this week, with Tampa beating Balsac’s 2-6 Cardinals, and Houston Beating Leonard’s 2-6 Raiders. Tampa is actually 5-4, and much like the accountants at the Wall Street banks who have been trying to determine the true market value of their clever (but defaulting) structured investment vehicles, I’m hesitant to go digging for details - lest I have a severe aversion to what I might find. Do I really want to know what business Jeff Garcia has in Thailand in the off-season?

Just keep winning, and I’ll keep looking the other way.

*****

Call me crazy, but I like the call for Oakland to try a 64 yard field goal. If I could make one rule change on the NFL, it would be to impose a punting penalty…so you lose 3 points every time you punt it. Or hell, just ban punting entirely.

*****

There’s a lot of games left to be played this year, and with injuries taking a seemingly higher-than-normal toll, many questions are as yet unanswered. Is Green Bay for real? Will Peyton Manning be abducted by aliens in a scheme to generate more revenue for the NFL? Is buying condoms online less expensive, or more convenient, than going to the local pharmacy?

Only time will tell.