Week 16: Bag full of Joy
By Randie Swanberg
Merry Christmas to all you christians and wanna be's (like me) and a Happy Channuka to the tribesmen. Oh yeah and Happy Kwanzaa too. I'm trying to avoid a red flag so this one's going to be short. With things super tight, I had a monster 2-0 weekend and now have a very slim one game lead over Joe Joe. Everyone else went 1-1 this weekend. Special props to FShawn's narrow one point victory over Red in the ICWT 2006 Superbowl and many apologies to the Bloodsuksers fan base for the horrible loss to the lowly Gloryholes in the uber consolation game. Booze for Joe Joe and yes, Wanker, you can drink it alone.
Lenny (7-23)
Someone should get make a t-shirt for Lenny that says "Raiders Let me Down" cause it's Houston's late season prowess that may keep him out of the record books. Lenny's at 7 wins now and needs one win in the final week to tie the record for fewest wins in a season held by FShawn and your truly. I personally loved the Texans' upset of the Colts. I heart Manning disappointments. Lenny has double ***BAG MATCHUPs*** this weekend as Houston has Cleveland and Oakland travels to the Meadowland to tkae on the potentially playoff bound Jets. My prediction 0-2 with new records for losses and yes, not one write up! How disparraging!
Shawn (14-16)
For as good as the Saints are this year, Cleveland is equally bad. I made the brilliant GM decision to pick up Derek Anderson in my other league to start the league championship game. Thanks for the 4 INTs dickhead. Now I'm playing for thrid place. Like I said before, Cleveland takes on Houston and with neither tream playing for much, this one's hard to call. The Saints take on Carolina and while Chicago has already clinched home field, the Aints need a win or a Philly loss to secure a first round bye. My prediction 1-1.
Joe Joe (15-15)
Same as Shawn, Philly good , San Fran bad. Philly's in the playoffs and takes on the woeful dirty Birds this weekend. San Fran plays Denver who's playing for a playoff spot so I'm penciling in an L for the niners. My prediction 1-1. We should make him wear wonder bread bag on his hands which will make carrying the football oh so interesting.
Randie (16-14)
Oh the green machine, how I love thee. Let me count the ways. The Jets may make the playoffs and take on the Oakland Ass Raiders. Sweet. There should be an extra prize for teams that make the playoffs. This year there may be three teams in! Green Bay is playing for pride only. They're playing Chicago who should bench all of their starters this week which could mean another 2-0 for me. Either way I'm calling at least a 1-1 to clinch back to back Overlordships. That's right, another year of darkness. I assure you I will not be as kind this year as I was last year!
Next years Bag lineup is pretty much cinched. A lot of familiar faces! All GB veterans.
Miami
Cleveland
Houston
Oakland
Washington
Detroit
Tampa Bay
Arizona
Until 2007.
Randie
RIP The Godfather of Soul.
RIP The Godfather of Watergate.
Comments
Your spelling and grammar are almost as bad as your fact-checking, Suckasses. The Saints have already clinched a first-round bye.
Continuing that theme, Green Bay is playing for much more than pride. They can make the playoffs with a win and some help.
Oh, and by the way, wanna make a side-bet I go 2-0 this week? Karma is on my side, what with the Jets needing a win to make the playoffs and the Raiders needing a loss to get the top pick in the draft, especially with me going to the game...
Posted by: Herr Leonard | December 27, 2006 10:47 AM
Look dickhole. Aside from the fact that this is a Holiday week and I didn't cry Wanker about the associated pressures and actually got a write up in, or about the fact that I took the redeye home from Shitwater, FL last night, I finished this write up in about 20 minutes this morning. Don't hate on the write up just because you've been left out all season long. Win a week and maybe we'll talk.
Thanks for correcting the playoff scenarios. That's what the comment section is all about anyway. You want to make a side bet? How about, if you go 2-0 this weekend, I won't make you drink milk based products during the payoff. If you lose, then you have to go jersey-less for the payoff. Wear the bag, boxers and flip flops, nothing else. I'll just have to find some bars that will let your homeless looking ass in.
Oh and one more thing, you still owe us for failing to get 7 pictures last year. Don't think I've forgotten.
Posted by: The "L" in Lenny stands for Loser | December 27, 2006 12:10 PM
If I didn't make corrections, it wouldn't be me. Don't get your thong in a wad.
I was looking for something a little more sporting from you as far as the side bet goes. You should feel free to make me drink all the milk products you want - in the immortal words of Mystikal, "don't be skerred!" I was hoping you'd come up with something outside the bag festivities, but alas, your lack of imagination has failed you once again.
And as for the pictures... we never really made anyone else pay for their payoff fouls, but that's okay - I have no problem proving once again that I'm the class of the bet. I'll do what I have to do in order to "make it sporting."
Posted by: Herr Leonard | December 27, 2006 12:16 PM
Lack of imagination has failed me once again?
Hmm. Wouldn't that mean that I'm quite imaginative? You should probably omit the word 'lack' next time. BTW I wasn't really serious about that bet. I do think any side-bet should be within the bag festivities and paid on the night of the payoff.
How about if you go 2-0 this weekend, I'll wear one of your Radiers Jerseys the night of the payoff. If you lose, you have to wear my Mark Clayton Jersey. Wait! Nevermind. I dont' want you sweating my jersey up. How about whoever loses has to wear the Rollen Stewart Wig during the payoff
Posted by: Overlord | December 27, 2006 1:02 PM
Wow, that wig is so not cool, that it's almost cool.
Posted by: JoJo | December 27, 2006 1:07 PM
Hmmmmm. I don't know how I'd sweat up a jersey that I was wearing over the bag, but okay, I'll buy it anyway. I do like the idea of you having to wear a Raiders jersey if you lose. I like the wig too.... but I think your idea of making the loser wear the winner's favorite team's jersey is better. That's a more even bet, and it's NFL-themed.
Don't you have a Ricky Williams jersey you'd be willing to let me sweat up?
Posted by: Herr Leonard | December 27, 2006 1:09 PM
Also. I know we haven't enforced penalties before, but when are we going to start? What's the point of making rules if there are no consequences? Both Joe Joe and Colin failed to wear jerseys last year. Colin is lost so what's Joe's penalty for that?
Posted by: Overlord | December 27, 2006 1:09 PM
Sorry, I burned my Ricky Williams jersey a couple of years ago.
The wig is definitely NFL themed. That jackass was at every big game. Before he landed in the pokey, that is.
Posted by: Overlord | December 27, 2006 1:16 PM
Overloard - I know you are having a bad day, but leave me out of it. I wore a ghetto Vilma jersey for the last payoff. So what if it was cotton and I bought it at Modell's for $10. It was green, and had the Jets name on the front, and Vilma's name and number on the back.
'j&r-zE
1 : a plain weft-knitted fabric made of wool, cotton, nylon, rayon, or silk and used especially for clothing
My lawyer says: It was a jersey.
Posted by: JoJo | December 27, 2006 1:21 PM
Sorry Joe-Joe, I have to side with the Overlord on this one. This is most DEFINITELY NOT a jersey. It's a t-shirt.
Posted by: Herr Leonard | December 27, 2006 1:27 PM
Merriam-Webster also thinks you're full of crap, Joe.
Posted by: Herr Leonard | December 27, 2006 1:30 PM
Obviously, you aren't REAL Jets OR football fans in general. This was used as a one-time only, limited edition NFL Exhibition Game-Worn Jersey last year when the Jets played the Somalian dirt-ranchers. It was an away game so you probably were asleep.
Posted by: JoJo | December 27, 2006 1:32 PM