by Joe-Joe

Okay, football has taken a back seat right now, with these shitty holidays looming ahead, already creating havoc, sucking away time that I don’t have and making me participate in full-contact shopping for crap that people could totally do without. Apparently, the people I work with failed to get the memo that says you are supposed to stop giving me work to do this time of year. Hence I have invoked the dreaded “red flag” for a late bag write up…something about having to wear a Wonder Bread bag on my arm during the payoff. We’ll see…if I’m Overlord, I’m Overlord. And Overlords don’t wear plastic, bitches!!!

I have little time to regale you with funny stories. I am in an awful mood, and therefore you will see an utter lack of humor and in fact, may find content that is not in “good taste”. If you are sensitive to such tastes, please log off now and read no further. You can go to the supermarket and pick up a Reader’s Digest or something.

With just two weeks to go, Randie and I are tied in standings, with Shawn in a close third. A lot of winable games for all these next two weeks, so the top three positions are up in the air.

Joe-Joe

49ers 24 Seahawks 14
Perhaps the Seahawks first stringers were busy looking for the hikers on Mt. Hood? What were they thinking??? The lesson here kids: Sometimes, when you tempt fate, fate kicks your ass, punches your ticket, and laughs at you. It’s December. It’s a tall mountain in the Pacific Northwest. Inclement weather is the rule. Save your testosterone and false bravado for fantasy football and Big Buck Hunter for crying out loud. Good ol’ Chuck Darwin is snickering to himself right now…Three less people to pollute the human gene pool.

Eagles 36 Giants 22
Did anyone else notice that the Eagles’ logo in the top left corner of the blog was finally changed to give the Eagles the proper respect? It had been the Seahawks logo for the longest time. I was going to say something to Lenny about it, but he was probably still mad at me for leaving Giants Stadium with 3 minutes to go in an ugly, ugly 31-13 Jets loss to the Bills in Week 14. I tried not to listen to him since the fact that his eyes were glowing red and he was saying that my lack of interest in these final 3 minutes of a Jets loss somehow translated into me being a bad Mets fan clearly indicated that his logic circuits might have been shorted by a flask of Knob Creek (or two). I got my revenge when I watched him walk past me in the bus line 20 minutes later, as he tried to call me. Real fans wait in line, sucker!!! Anyway, I’m glad he’s got his birds straight at least.

Shawn

Browns 17 Ravens 27
Shawn loses!!! Shawn had a rough Sunday. But I will give a shout out to the bartender at Copper Door Tavern (3rd b/w 21 and 22). We all got our $25 worth and then some. Shawn for example, got a case of “angry shouting man lunacy” along with a case of “delayed-onset hot wing projectile vomiting syndrome” (full disclosure – he admitted to grabbing McBrudal’s on the way to Penn Station). Crane, on the other hand, contracted full-blown “I want to see what this one-legged knee-jerk dance is all about-itis". After three hops, he was apparently unable to release his ankle from his grip, lost his balance, and landed face first into the bar, knocking over his beer and shocking himself into a flicker of sobriety just long enough for the bartender to ever-so-gently announce, “You’re friend is cut-off”. Shortly thereafter, he tried to make off with every last person’s coat in the bar, before realizing he didn’t bring one.

Shawn and Crane both earn gold-stars.

Redskins 16 Saints 10
Oh! Shawn loses again!!! He falls to third place. How nice it would be to see his face painted doo-doo brown with a white racing stripe down the middle!!! “Hi, I’m Paint-Facer Shawn, would you care to have your picture taken with me for my internet site?”

Randie
Jets 26 Vikings 3

Lions 9 Packers 17
Team Green wins a pair for Randie, who joined us at some point on Sunday when the accuracy of my internal clock was somewhat questionable. But he was there. He also was at the Jets-Bills game, and unlike Lenny, left to catch the bus back to Port Authority at a reasonable time (as opposed to when the game clock was at zero and the line to the bus was 2 miles long). J-E-T-S Lenny! Lenny! Lenny!

Lenny
Rams 20 Raiders 0

Texans 7 Patriots 40

Lenny begged off on Sunday…and should be shamed. I know he has earned his stripes – indeed he has gold stars from Montreal and Las Vegas – and more often than not, he is the last man standing, but his excuse of having a hangover reeks of amateur league.

His teams were outscored 60-7…which is amazing. I guarantee he won’t touch either of these teams next year…if he can help it. They are like the guys on the mountain…people are waiting for them to show up, but really no one expects it.

I hope you have a great Christmas, or that you are having a happy Hanukkah…whatever the case, try not to eliminate yourself from the gene pool.