Slowly, you become one of them, but now you live in fear of the high school kids. You don't care about candy as much as the feeling of wanting to really fuck with someone. So you do it, carefully. You're just starting to stretch your parent's staying out late limits. You start off with a couple of easy pranks. Normally kids stick with what they know. You have your first experience buying shaving cream by the case without raising the eyebrow of the local Winn-Dixie store manager. You learn to modify the barbasol tab sprayer with a pin and a lighter so it sprays farther. They cops begin to be a problem. After a couple of years of pillaging anyone younger than you, the little ones get boring and candy is completely off the menu. The girls are out now and if you're real whiskey tango, you've found a way to score some booze. Eggs and toilet paper have been added to your arsenal. Does anyone know what it's like to ride down the street on your MCS Spider with four dozen eggs teetering across you handle bars? Unfortunately you're perilously close to the high school kids now. They only way to survive an encounter is if you or someone close to you has an older brother or sister (not as good) who can allay the assault. You might escape after some light, yet necessary brutality. But you will walk away which is certainly better than laying in the swail, crying in a pool of blood, yolks and egg shells. If you've made it this far, you are now in High School. The beer begins to flow in earnest and even though your interests have expanded, the need for destruction takes the utmost precedence. The pranks are now capers, consisting of intricate plans, causing the utmost damage. An array of materials come into play. Now, most importantly, you've left the BMX in the garage. You are now in a car which means you can go to other towns to perform your mischief. You now appreciate the feeling of satisfaction achieved just from fucking with people. It's senior year and nothin stands in your way. You spend the early part of the evening doing damage then everyone meets up at some abandoned parking lot (or Lenny and Marcia's house) late in the evening to share stories and use up the rest of the supplies on each other while consuming the most recent caper's reward: two cases of coors light, a case of corona and a case of Seagram's Wild Berry Coolers (for the ladies, of course) that you jacked from that same asshole Winn-Dixie manager who used to give you shit for sucking all the C02 out of the Reddi whip cans.

I only wish that somewhere in this country tonight, someone gets egged or their house gets toilet papered. I can't do it anymore, I'd get arrested.

Happy Samhaim!

So it's pretty much half way through the season and it's tighter than a duck's anus. Shawn and I have 7 wins but he has a game in the loss column. Wanker is one game back and Sven has climbed out of the cellar with some big Raider wins in the past two weeks. Let's turn the clock back a year. This time last year Shawn was 3-9, I was 8-4, Lenny was 4-8 and Colin was 6-6. So Lenny's in the same spot Shawn was at half way through last year and we all knew how it turned out for him. Lenny, Shawn and I went 1-1 this weekend but they each lose the write up this week by two points. Sorry again Len. Maybe you should take over the Colin All Cocks column and put it to some use.

Randie of the Redwoods

Arizona 14, Green Bay 31

Seems like since Denny demoted Warner, the Cards can't win. Leinart is 0-4 as a starter. Those poor Cards, they love the bag. Like Briana loves the cock, they miss being here. Good news on the Favre front, he scored his first rushing TD in five years. I heard that they're putting step ladders along the sidelines of Lambeau Field and officially changing the name from the Lambeau Leap to the Lambeau Two Step. This week they have Buffalo coming off a bye buy by week.

New York Jets 13, Cleveland 20

Fucking bullshit! I've never seen a clearer example of the force out rule. Would not have landed in bounds? Judgement call? In a league where instant replay has seemingly undermined all the authority officials thought they had, they still manage to fuck up the simplest things in their charge. The Jets can lick their wounds this week on a bye.

Lenny, only has One Ball

Houston 22, Tennessee 28

Loser Bowl 2006. To all you Fantasy dipshits who picked up Carr, how'd that negative day work out for you? It especially sucks when you fall behind on points, then get benched, erasing any potential of breaking even with yardage. It's the Gmen this weekend so don't expect Tiki to get the ball inside the 5. Fucking Brandon Jacobs.

Pittsburgh 13, Oakland 20

Hooray for Oakland! Whoo hoo. The battle of the 2-5s. Hey whatever. Big showing on D. Whether it's Pittsburgh playing like ass or the Raiders starting to put something together, the fact remains they've single handedly given LL Cool H some W respectability in GB2K6. I'll be tuning in this weekend as they go to a banged up and very beatable Seattle.

Shawn Leibowitz

New York Jets 13, Cleveland 20
Mark my words, this botched call will make a difference down the stretch. It's my own fault, I already penciled this in as a win. I'll never underestimate the shittains again. Tough road ahead for the Brown eyes, they've got games at San Diego then Atlanta.

Baltimore 35, New Orleans 22

I guess this game wasn't important enough to make it onto the GB2K6 scoreboard. Lot's of turnovers for Bushy and Breezy who seemed upset over the lightness of last months envelope hush money. Hopefully the gov will get the zeros right before they travel to Tampa this weekend.

No-Mo-Joe

Jacksonville 13, Philadelphia 6

Ok so Jax is one of my fantasy defenses and I can never seem to pick the right week to start them. They blow up the Jets for 26 points, get blown out by the Texans and give me nada so you'd think they'd be a no no against the top passing offense in the league? Whatever. That's three straight for the Iggles. Joe Joe's entire season is riding on their success so they better get their feathers in a row. Hopefully they haven't shot their entire offensive wad and can recharge a bit this week on the bye.

San Francisco 10, Chicago 41

Just like the loser bowl, some weeks we get a bitch slap du jour. Or in this case, bitch slap du half. Yeah this thing was over early. We saw a clear vision of the range of competition available in the NFL this year. I'm sure the Niners were like, why are we playing these guys? Shouldn't we be in JV? It's hard to imagine Chicago as a bag team last year with no offense to speak of. I'm calling out a Dolphins upset of Chicago in week 10. You heard it here first. Too bad it's not on Monday Night. It's the Purple People Eaters next on the schedule for the 49ers, then at Detroit.

Happy Halloween 2006.

RanDIE