You'll get two wins, but I'll get two too
Jets beat the Lions but the Cardinals blew
So while you're writing up the weekly recap
Remember how close you are to the cinch-sack

The gunshot sounds, the games begin
Even when my teams are good I still can't win
Although the Texans didn't let me down
For me the Dolphins make that crinkly sound

[Chorus]

The battle heats up, quickly three are tied
The next week's bag games will push one aside
And as we race towards the season's apex
We feel the drawstrings tighten around our necks

We hurdle bag teams from past bets gone by
And yet some of them refuse to die
The Raiders, long gone like Chris Simms' spleen
Hey, at least they won't go 0-16

[Chorus]

Soon the end will come and one will reign
Yet another will feel the chafing pain
A third will take "Carry the Rock" to whole new levels
While the last endures endless chants of "Go Devils!"

And me I must avoid the dubious fate
Of being the first loser to not make eight
For as I lay forgotten and alone
I'm left to wonder For Whom the Bag Will Toll?