There's a place betwixt heaven and hell.
It is the space between first and last place.
This place is called Bagatory.
Between August and January each year,
we four brave souls cast ourselves into
this dark realm and put our fates in the
hands of the most meager of armies.
Each week our armies go to battle,
defining our future.
For at the end of this quest,
only three will ascend.
One will remain behind.
This one ill-fated soul will
spend the rest of his solitary
existance in Bagatory.

And so the race is on. Things got real interesting this weekend. As you can see there's a three way tie for first and Lenny climbed out of his hole yet still stands at the precipice of Hell.

I'm bored with the Colts already. I think we all are. They're like the Bills of yore and continue to fulfill their destiny of perpetual failure getting ever so close but not quite all the way. The goddam Pats are a quiet 5-1. That's a little scary. No scarier than the Saints at 5-1. Who sold their soul to the devil for that record? Let's see just how far shawn can ride that wave. Don't you feel a little guilty that your a co-conspirator?

Die with your Randie on

Green Bay 34, Miami 24
Joey Harrington is an interception machine! He's like the Elvis Presley of interceptions. He gives it up quicker than Joe Joe gives up his tic tacs. It's hard for me to say it, but thanks to the Fish's ineptitude, my bag teams have been able to walk all over them in back to back weeks. Look for the fish in For Whom the Bag Tolls 2007! Zona goes to Wisconsin this weekend so look for another high scoring affair.

Detroit 24, NY Jets 31
I kind of watched this. Where did the Jets get a runnning game? They were up the whole game but still screwed up enough to allow the Lions back in the game. Another **BAG MATCHUP** this weekend as the Jizzies go to the Dawg Pound.

Children of the Shawn

Denver 17, Cleveland 7

Cleveland sucks.

Lennys High

Jacksonville 7, Houston 27
Holy shit. I didn't pick this one. How can the Jags D blow up the Jets for 27 fantasy points one week and get crushed by the lowly Texans another? I know they have a good offense but seriously?

Arizona 9, Oakland 22

Oakland sucks.

Stranger in a strange Joe Joe

Philadelphia 21, Tampa Bay 23

Matt Byrant sucks. Ha ha. Philly's dropped 2 straight. Things aren't Ok in Joe Joe Land. Three picks for McNabb! They have Jax this Sunday so expect the O to get back on track.

Sorry this is a bit short. I made an executive decision last night to get obliterated at the My Chemical Romance show rather than spend the appropriate time on a write up and you know what? you all can suck it.

Faithfully yours,

The Overlord

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 8:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You'll get two wins, but I'll get two too
Jets beat the Lions but the Cardinals blew
So while you're writing up the weekly recap
Remember how close you are to the cinch-sack

The gunshot sounds, the games begin
Even when my teams are good I still can't win
Although the Texans didn't let me down
For me the Dolphins make that crinkly sound

[Chorus]

The battle heats up, quickly three are tied
The next week's bag games will push one aside
And as we race towards the season's apex
We feel the drawstrings tighten around our necks

We hurdle bag teams from past bets gone by
And yet some of them refuse to die
The Raiders, long gone like Chris Simms' spleen
Hey, at least they won't go 0-16

[Chorus]

Soon the end will come and one will reign
Yet another will feel the chafing pain
A third will take "Carry the Rock" to whole new levels
While the last endures endless chants of "Go Devils!"

And me I must avoid the dubious fate
Of being the first loser to not make eight
For as I lay forgotten and alone
I'm left to wonder For Whom the Bag Will Toll?

Posted by Lenny at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

you've got to keep running the course! Lenny
you've got to keep running and win at all costs! Lenny

Herr Herold's horrendous start to the season hasn't gotten him down. He goes 2-0 for the first (and probably the only) time this year and loses the write up on points! Interesting weekend (and I'm not talking about Berto's bludgeoning at the hands of Horner). I went 2-0 and vault into first place with 8 wins. As I turn to look at who's on my heels, Lenny's 2 wins puts him a game behind the Joe and Shawn. Everyone's within 2 games of each other with nearly half the season gone so nothing's set at all!

Run on and on!
RUN ON AND ON.

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 11:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Has anyone ever sought fame.... in a garbage bag?

My name has been featured prominently in half of the season's postings, and I have a pathetic (and soon-to-be record-breaking) 1 win. Throw the records out - because to BE the bull o' da woods, you have to BEAT the bull o' da woods. WHOOOO!!!!

Clearly I have DOMINATED sports entertainment.... in a BIG way.

Posted by Lenny at 12:57 AM | Permalink

By F. Shawn Fitzgerald

Welcome Bag Fans!

So I just ate a whole bag of Skittles and I am tweaking on sugar. I’m trying to see just how fast I can write all of this and still sound semi coherent. Here goes:

On a weekend that saw Umberto’s bachelor party fall prey to the vile blue liquid referred to as Absinthe, I was watch cars turn left and yearning for more beer. Safe to say that attending races with parents ranks somewhere above sleeping in a tent when it’s 32 degrees out but definitely below seeing Social Distortion with 20 people and blacking out all weekend. The stories cannot be divulged, but I "heart" Ryan Crane on Absinthe.

In other news, I had a wonderful trip to Buffalo last week. After giving 6 back to back presentations in 2 days, I noticed it was snowing outside. Snowing a lot. I mean there was a fucking LOT of snow alright?! The hotel lost power, tree branches were breaking, and you couldn’t really drive on the road. A LOT OF FUCKING SNOW! So, I contemplated staying there and flying home the next morning. We went to the airport to see if we could get out and the power was out there too. I have thoughts of Richie Valenz running through my mind. I most definitely do not want to be the next Corey Lidle. We get on the plane 2 hours late and it is a propeller plane! My window is covered in snow. I do a rough calculation, and there is probably 3 pounds of snow caked on my little window. They begin to de-ice the plane. I feel a little better. The lady I am traveling with pops a Klonopin and immediately passes out and begins drooling on me. We take off and all I see out the window is white. All I can think of is the Ozzy song, snowblind….although I realize this is about cocaine and not actual snow, I can’t shake it. The heat is on full blast. The propellers shake the plane, the rough air shakes the plane. I realize I am probably going to throw up on the plane. Bad times. For the next hour and a half I rock back and forth trying to think of anything but throwing up. We circle LGA for 20 minutes and I am choking down puke. We finally land and the lady wakes up and wants to talk. I explain that I am about to puke. She is drugged and doesn’t know what to make of this. I twitch in the cab on the way home. I reiterate to myself that I am no mariner and I am no pilot. It turns out that it was good that I left Buffalo as there are 2 feet of snow there and the city is in a state of emergency. I would still be there now eating back hotel wings and drinking myself into oblivion. I hate Buffalo.

I'm tied for the lead in the win column with Joe-Joe. Lenny is going for the record for the least wins ever of 8, set by me last year.

On to the games!

Joe-Joe (6-6, PF:303, PA:318, TDs:37 )

Philadelphia Eagles 24 vs. New Orleans Saints 27 ***BAG GAME***
Philly is banged up like a Chinese sex slave in a downtown massage parlor. Yet they soldier forth doling out happy endings that are not always so happy. With sandpaper hands they finished up this game losing to NO in the final seconds. No lotion, no oil, just chaffing and discomfort. They must work for another 5 years or their families will be killed back in China.

San Francisco 49ers 19 vs. San Diego Chargers 48
LT lit up the pink miner 49ers for 4TDs. The dude is back on track. San Fran meanders through their schedule much like any of us on our way to 7B at the end of the night. I’m not quite sure how I’m moving along, but I know I’m trying to get to the destination. The foggy mind making you throw concrete into the street, or throw full Coors Lights at a passing petticab is inexplicable but necessary, much like the interceptions and fumbles. The destination is the key. The end of their season is the same as my last beer of the night. We know there is rest at the end of the tunnel.

Shawn (6-5, PF:226, PA: 219, TDs: 24)

Philadelphia Eagles 24 vs. New Orleans Saints 27 ***BAG GAME***
Much like Adam Vinatieri in the 2001 Patriots Super Bowl Victory in New Orleans, John Carney stepped onto the field and booted a 31 yard FG as time expired to win the game. As they say in the ‘hood, the Saints are “for real, on the reals. Word!”. Like a cockroach escaping the Raid can, New Orleans squirmed out from under the cleansing hand of God and has rekindled the debauchery full force. College kids will be returning to litter hotel room floors with Whip-It canisters, vomit in gutters, pee on each other, and ogle bare breasted chicks trying to pile on the beads. Good times. Even Emeril is getting in on the act. Brees and some other Saints stopped off at Emeril’s restaurant after the big win and were received with a standing ovation. BAM! Sadly, no one wanted his fucking “essence”, Anthony Bourdain called earlier to tell him he is a bitch, and then he burned his gumbo, so he hid in the kitchen and cried. He is not welcome on the sidelines at Saints games.

Cleveland Browns vs. Bye
Charlie Frye sits home and wonders if he could hang with Willie Nelson. Willie is a million years old. His bus got pulled over while he was on tour in Texas and he was found with several pounds of mushrooms and weed. Can you imagine your Grandpa tripping out and rolling Bob Marley size joints before playing to your other grandparents and drunk college kids? Charlie can’t either. He decides that he will just keep sucking at football so he can be replaced and carry a clipboard for a few years, until he is finally released and he can become a feed salesman back in his home town of Willard, OH. I fucking hate Ohio.

Randie (4-7, PF: 203, PA: 287, TDs: 24 )

Green Bay Packers vs. Bye
Favre took the weekend off and wonder what the fuck he was thinking by coming back. He has been living on his reputation much like CBGB has for the last 20 years. His super bowl victory over the Patriots at the Superdome was his Ramones “I Wanna be Sedated” moment (he may actually have been sedated at this time as he was addicted to vicodin…no wonder I liked him back then.) Sitting on top of the word and chugging beers like a champion of gluttony. Then there were the lean years of hanging on and losing to Denver (the last gasp of Talking Heads). Now we are witnessing the lost years, bands named Lubricated Goat and Rabid Roy gracing the stage to empty houses. Favre should retire and move to Vegas like CB’s, but I don’t think he’ll sell as many t-shirts to people from Cleveland…

New York Jets 20 vs. Miami Dolphins 17
So, the Jets D starts off the game picking off every Joey Harrington pass in sight (Note: Did anyone catch the picture of Joey Harrington during introductions? Um, I’m pretty sure he was half way through a 4-tab acid trip when that picture was snapped, check it out when you get a chance), then proceeds to drop into the prevent and almost blow the fucking game. They went from ruling the playground to cringing at the bike rack at 3:00 waiting for a beating. Inexplicable. That collapse was almost as fantastic as Arizona’s on Monday night. However, Arizona proved they are professional losers. Leinart was forced to hand in his winner card when he was drafted. He is now contracting herpes from Paris Hilton (who was recently assaulted by one Shana Moakler, who I attended high school with) and blowing 17 point sleads with 14 minutes to play. Good job buddy.

Herr Leonard Herold (1-9, PF: 122, PA: 273, TDs: 13)

Houston Texans 6 vs. Dallas Cowboys 34
TO fights with his position coach all week then publicly declare she won’t talk to him anymore after a fight they have gets linked to the media. Then he goes out and catches 3 TD in a win over a haphazard Houston squad. The Cowboys locker room is the equivalent of a middle school dance at this point. TO is yelling at anyone that will listen and creating drama. Bledsoe is schmoozing the hottest chick in school all night, dancing with her, making out in the coat room, sticking his hand up her shirt…then, the chick takes off and never talks to him again. Parcells is wandering around trying to separate the kids dancing, and thinking about his retirement home. Meanwhile the rest of the kids mill around with their heads down waiting for Stairway to Heaven to come on…

Denver Broncos 13 vs. Oakland Raiders 3
The Raiders are as bad as you can imagine. We should know by the end of the day today if they will trade Randy Moss to a contender. Would it be so bad to start pulling fans out of the black hole and letting them play special teams? I’d love to see some 350 pound guy in face paint running down the field and getting leveled by the opposing teams gunner. The plastic studs on the shoulder pads digging into the field, the rubber skulls rolling along in slow motion as Al Davis shakes his head and his librarian beads clink off his glasses. All Raider fans should receive a free kick in the groin before walking in the stadium. They suck balls. Lenny should have to wear the shoulder pads outside of his garbage bag if they go 0-16. I put this forth as a motion to the rest of the bag crew. What say you?

Posted by Shawn Fitzgerald at 3:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

By Joe-Joe

Every Columbus Day brings with it the chance to ponder why on earth it is a national holiday. Not that I am inconvenienced by this particular holiday, really, save for the closing of the post office and the utter lack of mail. And come to think of it, I’ve never received anything worthwhile in the mail the day after Columbus Day anyway. But how do the Native Americans feel? Put yourself in their shoes (or rather, their moccasins). It would be like North Korea dropping the bomb on South Korea - and then establishing Kim Jong Il Day to celebrate its conquest and “discovery”. Or just imagine a future generation of Astorians who celebrate “Ryan Crane Day” for “discovering” Astoria. Certainly it can be argued that he has provided more cultural enlightenment than the vast majority of its inhabitants, who like the American natives of 1492 speak in semi-intelligible dialects, bathe only to rid themselves of severe bug infestations, and in general treat what should be considered a prime piece of real estate as if it was some 3rd rate campground.

Alas, the world is a different place and the days when you could steal another person’s property and celebrate with impunity are at a hiatus it seems…at least until we run out of petroleum and society enters the anarchical phase of human existence that is clearly spelled out for us in the Mad Max trilogy. In the meantime, as the weekly winner, it is in my purview to declare the day after Columbus Day “Ryan Crane Day” for his bravery in settling such an uncivilized corner of the globe. If it wasn’t for his wide-eyed stories about unrealized potential, neither myself nor the Fitzy’s would have ever called it home. Unfortunately, Alternate Side of the Street Parking Rules will not be suspended.

Joe-Joe (6-4, PF:260, PA:243, TDs:32)

For the second time, duties precluded me from watching any of the games. This time around, I was busy cutting down several acres of overgrown Christmas trees on my father’s property in the Catskills. Two days of lumberjacking left so many needle marks on my forearms that I’m afraid someone’s going to sign me up to be on the A&E show, “Intervention”. My advice to any potential Christmas Tree Entrepreneurs: If a tree starts to look all raggedy-assed, don’t wait 20 years to cut it down, because that bastard WILL kick your ass.

Oakland 20, San Fran 34 ***Bag Game***

In the off-season, it looked like 49er wins were about as likely to be in vogue as Joe Montana’s haircut. But even they managed to do the fashionable thing and kick the crap out of their much maligned cross-bay rivals. It was basically, run-run-run, intercept-intercept-intercept. Intercept. Frank Gore continues to establish himself as a legitimate fantasy stud and the ‘Niners continue to do what is necessary to keep my skin away from the cinch sack.

Dallas 24, Philly 38
The much anticipated T.O. homecoming turned into a disappointment for all parties involved. After the game, Owens was seen alternatively yelling at his teammates and rocking himself to sleep while laying in the fetal position. Something tells me if he was a professional golfer, he would go through caddies like a mailman goes through shoes. I’d love it if one day at practice his quarterback said, “You think this shit is so easy? Let me go for a goddamned jog while 11 guys come charging after your head. Let’s see if you don’t miss a read, jackass!!!”

Shanaynay (5-5, PF:199, PA:195, TDs:21)

Tampa Bay 21, New Orleans 24

The Saints continue their winning ways, providing the conspiracy theorists more fuel for the fire, and providing southern evangelicals more proof that despite that little mishap of a natural disaster that ravaged their city and tore apart their lives, Jesus loves them and miracles happen. When asked about his thoughts as to a New Orleans conspiracy, Tampa Bay coach Jon Gruden was reported as saying, “I don’t know anything about the conspiracy, or the $250,000 the NFL paid me to orchastrate the loss.” New Orleans is a very respectable 4-1, but I’m anxious to see how they hold up against the varsity teams of the NFL. With Philly, Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Cincinnati coming up, we’ll know soon enough.

Cleveland 12, Carolina 20

The Browns lost yet again, and scored no touchdowns in the process. Like the city itself, the team is bland and nondescript. Writing something about their games is like being asked to write about beige carpet. I’m pretty sure they exist and serve a purpose, but I don’t care enough to delve into the details. Whoever wins the write-up next week won’t have to struggle either, since they have a bye week. Hopefully they will use the time off to generate some buzz…but it won’t help.

Randall-El (3-7, PF:183, PA:270, TDs:22 )

St. Louis 23, Green Bay 20

I can only feel sympathy for the poor Packer fans who waited 20 years to finally get season tickets, only to be treated to some truly uninspiring football and a self-destructing quarterback. Fortunately, as is the case with most sporting events, the actual event is secondary to the rituals of tailgating, public intoxication, and hazing of the opposing team’s fans. With enough booze, anything is bearable. The Packers have a bye this coming week, just in time to tune up the Zamboni for the frozen tundra.

Side bar: How great is it that St. Louis has a player whose first name is Jerametrius? My guess is that it’s a mash-up of Jeramiah and Demetrius. I’m assuming there may be a couple of Demeiah’s already on the books.

NY Jets 0, Jacksonville 41

Woah, Nellie! After nearly sowing their oats against the vaunted Colts the week before, the Jets may as well have not even made the trip to Jacksonville. Everyone around town had the Gang Green being semi-serious contenders, and Sunday’s game was an obvious statement: We will not sit here idly and allow you to gather confidence in us. We are not ready to be taken seriously we will prove to you that we are every bit as irresponsible as we were under Herman Edwards.

The Jets should bounce back as they play host to the truly offensive (in a bad way) Fish next week…but don’t get too confident. As evidenced by their latest performance, they’ll blow a game if they damn well feel like it.

L-Baggy (1-7, PF:113, PA:226, TDs:13 )

The Yankees lost in the first round, his bag teams are absolutely terrible, and his ICWT team isn’t anything to write home about…If things weren't looking so rosy for the Florida Gators in both football and basketball, I’d genuinely start to worry about our good pal Leo.

Houston (Bye)

With an extra week off to celebrate their recent win over Miami, it’s time for the Texans to put away the whippits and get ready for what is coming for them…another loss. This week, at the hands of the Cowboys.

Oakland 20, San Fran 34 ***Bag Game***

If this was a blackjack table, the Raiders would have cursed out the dealer, waited for their last free drink and collected their chips about 6 hands ago. It’s one thing to fail in gambling and sports, it’s an entirely different thing to fail in your career. Looking at the mirror every morning and seeing a Professional Loser can’t be healthy for one’s psyche. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t mind seeing them go 0-for-the-season, just to gain a better understanding of the human condition. And let’s not forget having Lenny crinkle around the city for a hot summer evening…

Till next time…

Posted by Joe-Joe at 4:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm drinkin',
My 3rd Jameson shot
When Dave and I begin to whine

Reflecting
On another shitty week
And a Raider loss, for the umpteenth time

'Cause at 7 o'clock
I walked out of Bar Coastal in disgust... yeah
The tomb of plastic, around me, continues to grow

Joe-Joe's spanking slow..... yeah, yeah yeah!

Joe rocks his second write-up of the year, and takes full control of the competitiion. On the strength of a last-minute Saints triumph, Shawn leads by two lengths in the battle against face paint with Randie. Me, I still haven't even figured out where to rip the pee-hole.

Expect our resident #44 to deliver a doozy in the next day or so.

Posted by Lenny at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

By F. Shawn Fitzgerald

Welcome Bag Fans!

The beginning of the week welcomed us with a possible TO suicide attempt. I guess his years at Chattanooga didn’t prepare him to ingest massive amounts of Vicodin and keep partying. Had he gone to Lehigh, Florida, Miami, or Syracuse they would’ve found him knee deep in beer cans playing 3-Man and screaming about wanting a taco at 3 am…with no one else in his house. Sadly, he was found semi-conscious on the floor of his bathroom and had his publicist screaming at a 911 operator about pills down his throat. Not so “Rock Star”, TO. If he really did try to shut the lights out, he could’ve at least been creative. He should’ve bought a Super Man costume and flown to Philadelphia, then asked Donovan McNabb to meet him in front of City Hall. With Donovan in place he could’ve jumped screaming “SUPA TeeeeOhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!” and crushing McNabb at the same time. It’s a sad state of affairs that his publicist said he had “25 million reasons to live”. I’m guessing she isn’t getting anymore clients with pathetic spin control like that. Rookie scenario all the way around.

Saturday found me drinking beers back stage at Gigantour with the Smashup. Let me tell you, backstage is not what you think it is, but it is much better than being in the seats. All the beer you can drink and the ability, neigh the requirement, that you drink every last drop. Watching Vin realize another of his dreams by opening the show with the likes of Lamb of God and Megadeth was truly memorable. Little metal kids were chasing him down for his autograph and staring at him with wide blood shot eyes. Damn I miss those days. After 20 beers the pyro during Megadeth was that much better. I was in such a good mood I didn’t even bother seeking out Dave Mustane to ask him how that long sad bus ride out of Metallica was.

With playoff baseball in full swing and NASCAR drawing to a closeas well, we can take solace in the warm embrace of Sunday and Monday. Football will be there to see you through the long cold nights…just like that garbage bag waiting for Lenny. On to the games!

Joe-Joe (4-4, PF:188, PA:199, TDs:23 )

Philadelphia Eagles 31 vs. Green Bay Packers 9 ***BAG GAME***
With Brian Westbrook on the sidelines nursing his injured knee like a sissy, McNabb did his best Ahhhhhhhhnold impersonation from Predator and proceeded to dismantle the Packers. He threw for 2 TDs and ran for 2 more. He carried the Eagles on his back and kept telling them to “Get to the Choppaaa! Go!” while he fired into the underbrush and fought off the enemy alone. Next week, TO will be in town. If the Philly fans don’t swing by Costco and stock up on the cheapest pills they can find I will be TERRIBLY-TERRIBLY disappointed. I expect it to be raining generic ibuprofen from the 300 level for all Dallas’ offensive plays.

San Francisco 49ers 0 vs. Kansas City Chiefs 41
San Fran mailed this one in like me at an office dinner. Just waiting for it to be over, checking my phone and ordering another drink, while I wonder if anyone has noticed that I’ve stopped paying attention to the work jibber-jabber that’s going on around me. Huard had his dream day and dropped the hammer like an Albert Haynesworth stomp to the head (ouch!), and LJ really got his legs under him for the first time this season. Joe-Joe’s underdog 49ers were no where to be found this week. The Apocalypse will be upon us next weekend as Oakland crosses the bay and tries not to get embarrassed for a 5th straight week (can you be embarrassed by a bye week? I think the Raiders were…).

Shawn (4-4, PF:163, PA: 154, TDs: 18)

New Orleans Saints 18 vs. Carolina Panthers 21
After the Falcons changed their name to the Washington Generals last week and tanked the game to lift the spirits of those attending the first Saints game in the Superdome in almost 2 years, they got back to their winning ways and thrashed Arizona…to the point where Warner finally lost his job…faith in God and all. Makes you wonder about the whole NFL “collusion” thing all over again. This week the Saints showed their true mediocre colors and lost a close one to the Panthers. Reggie Bush is still a virgin and he is waiting for TD prom night. I had him figured for a TD whore in the vein of Jenna Jameson, but sadly he is turning out to be the Laura Engles of slut-dom…he’s not giving up anything out there on the prairie. Maybe next week we’ll get to see a little BOW-CHICKA-BOW in the end zone.

Cleveland Browns 23 vs. Oakland Raiders 21 ***BAG GAME***
Basically the Browns woke up in my worst nightmare and pulled out the win. When I get stressed out I have this dream where I find out that I have missed a class for the entire semester, it’s after add/drop so I can’t get out of the class. The exam is usually that afternoon, and I have no choice but to go to the exam and try and pass the course, but I have no idea where the class meets. So, I frantically run around trying to find the class. Then I wake up. The Browns cleared the fog from their eyes and aced the test with 21 unanswered points in the late 3rd and 4th quarter.

Randie (3-5, PF: 163, PA: 206, TDs: 20 )

Philadelphia Eagles 31 vs. Green Bay Packers 9 ***BAG GAME***
The unfinished symphony of dropped passes being composed by Bret Favre was back in the conservatory this week. With Donald Drivers hands providing most of the bars, and the ground providing the bass, the beautiful Thumpa-Thwack-Flump-Smack was music to Eagle ears. Favre put down his conducting baton and left the game in the 4th quarter after getting steam-rolled by the Philadelphia Defensive line. Something tells me he will keep his game starting streak alive next week at home against St. Louis. Any guy that was addicted to the stuff TO tried to off himself with is ok in my book.

New York Jets 28 vs. Indianapolis Colts 31
Obviously, the Jets are drinking the Kool-Aid and the believe they can win now. Mangini has opened up the offense (that Herm Edwards sealed like an Egyptian sarcophagus during his years as the Jets coach) and let the players take chances. When you know your coach will give you a chance to win, you’ll play that much harder. This week the Jets were the younger kids in the neighborhood trying to steal a game of wiffle ball from the middle school guys. They had a perfect game going until the bottom of the 9th when the resident jock came in and ended the young upstarts dreams. The Jets go home crushed but invigorated at the same time. They will try to lead Randie to a second consecutive Overlord position.

Herr Leonard Herold (1-5, PF: 93, PA: 192, TDs: 11)

Houston Texans 17 vs. Miami Dolphins 15
LENNY GETS A WIN!!! With his first sack in 4 games Mario Williams helped propel Lenny to his first bag “W” of the season. The ineptitude of the Dolphins continues unabated. There is no tackle they can’t miss, nor play they can’t let up on. They are almost perfectly awful. Almost…This game produced visions of a bag write-up for young Herr Leonard. Alas, all of those bong hits were in vain.

Cleveland Browns 24 vs. Oakland Raiders 21 ***BAG GAME***
Oakland however IS perfectly awful! Leading the game by 18 in the 3rd quarter, Leonard was beginning to compose his manifesto to Bagdom. Then the wheels came off, 21-10. Then the chassis ground to a halt, 21-17. Finally, with 1:40 left in the 4th quarter, Joe Jurevicius caught a 5 yard pass from Charlie Frye, ran through the end zone and set fire to the black hole. Grown men in black and silver face pained melted to the ground like candles and Lenny’s dream was snuffed out yet again. I’m tellin’ ya…ritualistic burning of the Gallery jersey is the only way to break the curse. I’m guessing Lenny is trying to think of a place to set a fire right now without going to prison for arson. 21 unanswered points can do this to a man.

Posted by Shawn Fitzgerald at 9:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)