Greeting Baglovers. It's your friendly neighborhood Overlord here. I really needed this 2-0 to keep up with the pack. I spent this Sunday completely sober for the first time this season, which, I must admit, isn’t the proper way to watch football. In fact it’s sacrilegious! I promise not to do it again. No colorful stories about yelling “Artie Mueller” or pissing on a cab on 20th Street. I could tell you about my day sitting on the couch, hitting refresh but there’s nothing fun about that.

So much Raider bashing this year, like fingernails on the chalkboard for Herr Herold. I'm sure Lenny wants to give us a piece of his mind but I think he should save that important part for the 2007 payoff. In case you missed it, last week I found something that represents the lighter side of the Raiders prowess in 2006. Ah so much to do, so little free time. Not sure how I feel about young Wanker having such a good start to the season. Only time will tell. San Fran’s early schedule is in their favor with games against KC and Oakland but then it gets real with San Diego, Chicago and the surprising Vikings down the road. They’ll start off 3-3 but look for them to end 5-11ish. My only advice to the rook is to download Live After Death so he can understand the smack that’s being laid down this year.

Gut check of the week goes to…no not Chris Simms…Reggie Wayne. The Colt’s family curse continues. After Indy’s 21-14 win over Jax, Reggie and his teammates learned that his older brother, Rashad, died when his delivery truck crashed into a guard rail Sunday morning. Tough one for Wayne. I’ve been following this guy since UM and he’s one of the few no nonsense Canes who does his talking on the field and not in the locker room, after the game, blaming his head coach. Whatever. Reggie left for Louisiana to help with the funeral and isn’t sure when he’ll be back.

Ok, Ok the gutsy play of the week does go to Chris Simms. Much talk about what a pussy this guy is was quelled on Sunday. The poor guy got smacked down about a million times by the Carolina D, ruptured his spleen and STILL came back in the game! Props to young Simms.

Randie (3-3)

NY Jets (2-1) 28, Buffalo (1-2) 20

In Buffalo, despite the swirling winds, it was the Jets' opportunistic Defense that got them in the win column on Sunday. Sure they gave up almost 500 yards of offense to the surprising Bills, but three key turnovers sealed Kill Bill’s fate. Here I am again, rooting for the godforsaken Jizzies. Somebody shoot me! We’re talking 25 years of hate dating back to the David Woodley vs. Richard Todd days. Peytie and the Colts come to the Meadowlands this weekend and I’m calling upset!

Green Bay (1-2) 31, Detroit (0-3) 24

Brett Favre became only the second QB to throw for 400 career TD passes as the Pack held off a late D'trois comeback for their first win of the season, sending the Lions to 0-3 and in bag peril. The Agin Cajun still has something to prove, or at least some more records to break before he goes gently into the eyes of the night, watching me go. Monday Night’s **BAG MATCHUP** may determine who rules GB2K6 when the Pack travels to Philly. Look for a Favre – McNabb shootout.

Lenny (0-5) OUCH!!

Houston (0-3) 15, Washington (1-2) 31

Portis had a blow out game and Brunell quieted the critics, setting an NFL record with 22 consecutive completions to start the game. Now that sound impressive but they were playing a defense that gives up an average of 320 yards a game through the air. Oh and just to further Shawn’s ire, Mario Williams has now gone three pre-season games and three regular-season games without a sack! Zee Fish travel to H-Town on Sunday in hopes of creating a little winning streak.

Oakland (0-2) 0, Bye (1-0) 3

The Raider winless streak continues as the Bye week beat Oakland 3-0 late Sunday. Re-incarnated former Dolphin kicking great Uwe Von Schamann knocked in a 49 yarder with the game clock expiring. Oakland looks to rebound this week at Cleveland **BAG MATCHUP** who fell victim to the prowess of another kicker in the waning seconds of Sunday’s game.

Shawn (3-3)

Baltimore (3-0) 15, Cleveland (0-3) 14

In Queens, The Raven Laundrymat in Astoria, scoffed at FShawn’s Shitstains Sunday, sending his soiled tighty whiteys back to a humiliating 0-3. BAHAHAHA. HA ha ha. Oh what joy. Talk about a punch to the spleen! Wins are few and far between for the Shitstains so to blow a 14-3 4th quarter lead is unbearable. What was Romeo thinking? He had poor Charlie “Stir” Frye running around like a Pomeranian in a noodle shop all game long then served him up on a poo-poo platter for Bart Scott and consequently Chris McAllister. The true battle for bragging rights comes in week 4. Cleveland takes the hershey highway over to Oakland for the Supreme Battle of Stink!

Atlanta (2-1) 3, New Orleans (3-0) 23

Ok I’m sold. Conspiracy theory or not, something fishy is going on here. Why would the NFL rebuild a team to help support a city who could barely support the team before the Hurricane? I really want to know what the Texans got out of it? More revenue sharing? A little help from the refs? Regardless, I don’t know what Shawn’s complaining about? Had I realized this at the draft, I’d be the one riding the 2006 NFL Golden Team. Let’s see what happens this week when the no-longer Aints face a rejuvenated Carolina squad.

Joe (3-3)

Philadelphia (2-1) 38, San Francisco (1-2) 24 **BAG MATCHUP**

Joe Joe gets the longest two team names award for 2006! That's 42 characters if you spell out 49ers. This is the week JJ got to beat his own rancid meat, yeehaaa. Not a lot of love here for the game-time scratch of Donte Stallworth but McNabb didn't seem to miss him with 296 yards and 2 TDs. (yeah J2, I have him in my other league, really weak). Philly gets Green bay Monday night and the 49ers host a Green-less KC.

Till next week.

Overlordberg

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

2 - 0 and LOTS of points for the GREENbergs this weekend. The way things are looking, points are going to be a big factor this year. This vaults me to 3-3 and with Saints win tonight there'd be a 3 way tie for first place. The Skins ruptured Lenny's spleen early on Sunday and continued his 5 oclock march to the gallows pole.

Look for the week 3 write up coming soon.

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

By F. Shawn Fitzgerald

After my crushing failure last year, I donned the plastic and was re-baptized in my own sweat and a concoction of Guinness, red wine, vodka, grapefruit juice, whiskey and Bud Full Flavor. Had I known that Crane was performing baptisms during his formative years, I would’ve asked for some pointers. Sadly, this never came up in our everyday conversations. It took the perfect storm of a 2 hour FREE open bar, vehicular homicide, a performance of Spamalot, a bucket of PBR cans, a discussion on parental beatings, Misfits, Metallica, and me drinking out of a pitcher to stumble across this info. I was so flabbergasted by this development I was forced to baptize the side of a Lexus truck on 20th street with piss on my way back to my 25 minute wait on the N platform. If only Crane could’ve cleansed me in the waters of Lake Minnetonka…that would’ve been so much easier than stumbling around the lower west side dripping sweat from my balls and getting pulled in multiple directions as every douche bag from the Battery to Inwood had a tug on my bag strings. Apparently timing IS everything my friends!

As you digest Crane’s war against those bearing the “Number of the Beast”, say a short prayer for the closing of the Continental and the impending end of CBGB. To Trigger and Hilly, I owe many thanks for all of the cloudy nights of metal and punk that saw me through the late 90s. To me, they owe many brain cells that I destroyed in both clubs, as well as new eardrums.

But I digress. It is a brand new year with some new blood. Young Joe-Joe Wizzo has endured his bread bag hazing ritual without contracting any fungal disease under his toenails and has been dutifully added to the roster. My cousin “Callin’ All Cocks” has been sent to the bench for insubordination. There he ponders what might have been, as he discusses the merits of zip-lock 1 quart bags over folding sandwich bags, remembering his days in the big leagues and practicing his “I could a been a contendaaaaahhhh!!!” speech. Your friendly neighborhood baggers Lenny and Randie have placed their pride on the altar of plastic for another season. As always, I am more than prepared to embarrass myself for the benefit of the football gods and you, my imbibing friends. I am currently in 2nd place behind the Rookie, but I took the week on points. So without further ado, let’s find out “FOR WHOM THE BAG TOLLS!”

Joe-Joe (2-2, PF: 95, PA: 87, TDs: 11)

Philadelphia Eagles 24 vs. New York Giants 30

If you can’t get excited about a game that begins with the Eagles kicker David Akers taking a flying leap at a Giants coach and then taking on the entire Giants Bench, I don’t want to know you. It seems young Master Akers fancies himself a master of Rex-Kwon-Do! Check him out in this you tube clip, complete with American Flag shoulder pad (don’t shut it off early, you wouldn’t want to miss the nunchucks!). I'm sure Stalra is very proud. Unforunately, the Giants do not bear any resemblance to Kip or Napoleon. He should’ve been out there to protect Jevon Kearse. Sadly for Joe-Joe the Freak has been put on the shelf for the year with ligament damage in his knee. I’m sure Eli’s pride was hurting almost as much as Kearse’s knee after last weeks beating at the hands of Peyton and the Colts. The loss rekindled nightmare’s about all of those times Peyton showed up while he was playing Super Mario Brothers 2 with his friends and threw him on the ground, bending his arm behind his back until he screamed “UNCLE!”, all at once humiliating him and ruing any chance of beating Bowser outside of his castle on level 8-4. Bad Times. Eli channeled that crushing humiliation into this game and dismantled the Eagles in the 4th quarter and OT with 23 unanswered points. I’m sure he’ll still have to sit at the kids table at Thanksgiving and Peyton will throw him on the ground getting grass stains on his “Dress Up Jeans” during the annual football game, but for his performance this week he gets the “Die with Your Boots On” award. In the immortal words of some fat English guy at 3rd and Long on Sunday:

New York Giants! N-Y-G!
We don’t give a Fuck,
Who you may be,
Cuz we are the Mighty N-Y-G!

San Francisco 49ers 20 vs. St. Louis Rams 13

While walking the streets of St. Louis young Joe-Joe took his life in his hands by wearing his Mets cap and holding his finger in the air, cheering the unlikely 49er victory. This was not looked upon kindly by the natives eating their toasted ravioli and chugging all things Anheuser Busch. Perhaps they took him for one of “those guys” from San Francisco and decided the sexual discrimination charge on top of an old skool assault booking was not worth the blood on their shoes. So Joe-Joe wandered safely, celebrating the victory of the former Ute Alex Smith and dreaming of bag glory.

Shawn (2-2, PF: 84, PA: 94, TDs: 9)

New Orleans Saints 34 vs. Green Bay Packers 27 ***BAG GAME***

All right, so Reggie Bush is not lighting the world on fire. He’s still being called ”Jesus in Cleats” in New Orleans. I’m not a big conspiracy theory guy, but I feel I must speak out. Obviously, there was some serious collusion going on at the NFL draft. I’m sure the Texans were promised many behind the scenes advantages to take Mario Williams and allow Reggie Bush to slip to the storm ravaged Gulf Coast. While providing hope to a region, they stock a team that could possibly move to LA with a SoCal star. Not Buying? Well, ask me about the “Price is Right” some day and I’ll blow your mind (Bob barker is the Cigarette Smoking Man!). Drew Brees put his noodle arm to work for 353 yards and out gunned Grandpa Favre. The Deuce blew up the Pack D for 2 TDs and the ‘Aints are now an improbable 2-0. The hurricane’s will taste sweeter this week in the French Quarter and gunfire at night will be kept to a minimum.

Cleveland Browns 17 vs. Cincinnati Bengals 34

The Browns have no offense to mention, yet they somehow put up 17 on the Bengals D. I think this had something to do with Karma being a bitch. Hank Geather’s tried to decapitate Trent Green last week and left him lying motionless on the ground, setting the balance of the universe on it’s ear. The only way to right the ship this week was to have Bengals dropping like flies. Some how the doughy Browns kept denting the impenetrable steel of Cinci. The sidelines began looking like a French church during WWII. Bodies everywhere, blood, bandages, screaming…the works! With the world back in cosmic order, the Browns will go back to being the lifeless stiffs they are supposed to be. They will walk to work with lunch pails in hand. They will punch the clock. They will collect the check. They will drink warm Schlitz in their back yards. They will beat their kids. Life will be grand.

Randie (1-3, PF: 67, PA: 100, TDs: 8 )

New Orleans Saints 34 vs. Green Bay Packers 27 ***BAG GAME***

In a game where Favre rekindled his old spark (340 yds, 3 TDs, 1 INT), it was still not enough to bring the “W” back to the home of Brats and beer. It seems that Favre’s deal with the devil has come due. Regardless of how well he plays he will always lose. In the last few years, Bret has seen his game go to hell, his brother in law killed on his farm in an ATV accident, his wife contract breast cancer, and his childhood home washed away in a hurricane. That certainly sounds like a “crossroads deal” come due to me. I hope the years of Madden fawning over you and everyone treating you like the king of the NFL was worth it. Call Ralph Macchio and ask how he got his soul back after beating Steve Vai in the "shred off" contest. Maybe there’s still time. Speaking of Ralph Macchio, I can only hope he was forced to perform the “Crane Kick” in Beer League. If it’s not in that movie, someone should get fired.

New York Jets 17 vs. New England Patriots 24

In a shaky game where the Jets mounted a furious come back, I like to think that I sealed the deal for the Pats. As they began to waiver, I saw a vision out the window of 3rd and Long. A like minded individual was returning from a rousing weekend of drinking and stupidity. In his hand he held a 3 foot funnel. I knew I had to save the game. With lightning quick reflexes (for someone that had already been drinking for 5+ hours) I ran to the window and asked him for the funnel. Without a word he handed it to me. I poured in my beer and raised the glorious red vessel. As I finished I blew out the foam and belted out a few notes to lead the Pats to victory. And lead them I did. The Jets were stopped and Corey Dillon ran out the clock. The mighty power of the FUNNEL! Randie, you owe me one.

Herr Leonard Herold (0-4, PF: 40 , PA: 122, TDs: 4 )

Houston Texans 24 vs. Indianapolis Colts 34

Houston, where ineptitude comes to reproduce and live in splendor. The Mario Williams over Reggie Bush draft will go down as the Bowie over MJ of the 2000’s or “oughts” (we’re more than half way through this friggin’ decade and no one has come up with a definitive term for it yet, I guess we’re just waiting for it to be over and hit the teens?). As bumbling as the Texans have ever been, the Colts came in and pounded them into dust, allowing some late game garbage points when the starters had been sipping Gatorade for over an hour and picking out the chick with the biggest cans in section 114. Maybe they were were promised the move to LA if they tanked another season? Only time will tell. But with David Carr getting sacked on the first play of the game, then fumbling the ball on the second snap at his own 16, you have to begin to wonder. Lenny stares at the ground and begins contemplating which color drawing string he wants during the payoff…

Oakland Raiders 6 vs. Baltimore Ravens 28

one after one by the star dogged moon,
Too quick for groan or sigh
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang
And cursed me with his eye
Four times fifty living men
(and I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down one by one.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2006-2007 Oakland Raiders! The offense has yet to score a touch down. The starting QB is out with a shoulder injury. The coach hasn’t said a word since July 23rd. Randie Moss’ afro has tenants and the Black Hole is starting to become a joke (not that 35 year old men in face paint and shoulder pads with spikes has ever been taken seriously, not even at a Gwar show). Lenny has been seen self medicating around the city. Reports are of Lenny staggering from one dive bar to the next, consuming brown fluids, yammering about Gannon, Tim Brown and on rare occasions Bo Jackson, have been accumulating. There has also been a sighting of Lenny weeping as he plays as video Bo on Techmo Bowl and whimpers “Why, why did you destroy your hip…” before blubbering and making another cocktail. Sad times for Herr Leonard and Raider Nation. Possible Suggestion: Burn the Gallery jersey I gave you. Perhaps it’s cursed. At any rate, I award Lenny the “Wasted Years” award for his dedication to agony.

Until next week!

Posted by Shawn Fitzgerald at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Packers, Texans swap backs: Gado for Morency
Associated Press

GREEN BAY, Wis. -- The Green Bay Packers traded running back Samkon Gado to the Houston Texans on Wednesday for another young running back, Vernand Morency.

The trade is pending both players passing physicals with their new team.

The Texans have been looking for reinforcements at running back since Domanick Davis, the franchise's leading rusher, was placed on the injured reserve two weeks ago. Houston claimed 1999 Heisman Trophy Winner Ron Dayne off waivers after he was released by Denver last week.

Coach Gary Kubiak said he made the trade for Gado because he wanted to add a big, power runner to his duo of smallish running backs -- rookies Wali Lundy and Chris Taylor.

Taylor, who has been on the active roster, is currently on the practice squad.

"We feel like it gives us two big, banging-type backs and we've got two younger smaller backs in Wali and Chris," Kubiak said. "We like the way that evens out and we hope he can help us."

Houston's running game struggled in a 24-10 opening loss to Philadelphia where the running backs gained just 55 yards. Morency had five carries for 13 yards.

Gado, in his second-season, was one of the few bright spots in the Packers' 4-12 season last year, advancing from the practice squad to become the team's starting running back near the end of the season. But Gado has struggled to adjust to the zone-blocking scheme being run by new Packers coach Mike McCarthy -- interesting to note since Kubiak employs a similar scheme.

Season-ending injuries to running backs Ahman Green and Najeh Davenport gave Gado, who started just two games in four seasons at Division I-AA Liberty University, an improbable chance to start for the Packers last year.

In eight games, including five starts, he gained 582 yards on 143 carries and scored six touchdowns.

Kubiak said Gado would be valuable in short-yardage situations, but Texans general manager Rick Smith said he thinks he could do even more.

"I think he's already proven that he can be an every-down back," Smith said. "He's a kid that is a power type of back with good speed and balance and agility. So to put him in this offense will be an asset for us."

Morency was a third-round pick in 2005 after running for 1,454 yards and 12 touchdowns in his last season at Oklahoma State. He's a bit older than most second-year players at age 26, having played four seasons of minor league baseball before enrolling at Oklahoma State.

He had 46 carries for 184 yards with two touchdowns in 13 games last season.

Kubiak wasn't too fond of his running style when he arrived in Houston and encouraged him to cut to the hole quicker instead of "dancing" in the backfield. He noted Morency's improvement in that area and praised him after he ran for 95 yards and two scores in a preseason win over St. Louis.

With the trade, Gado will be reunited with former Packers coach Mike Sherman, who was hired as an assistant head coach and offensive line coach for the Texans after he was fired by the Packers.

"We've got coaches on our staff who know this player very well," Kubiak said. "We feel good about this kid's chances of helping us."

Gado also brought an infectious sense of optimism into an otherwise downtrodden locker room. Gado, who worked at a Green Bay hospital in the offseason, hopes to become a doctor after his football career is over and return to his native Nigeria to help fight the AIDS crisis in Africa.

Gado was in the middle of an interview session in the Packers locker room on Wednesday when running backs coach Edgar Bennett summoned him to a private meeting.

Gado had just been asked whether the Packers could recover from a 26-0 defeat by the Chicago Bears in their season opener at Lambeau Field on Sunday.

"The season's not over yet," Gado said. "It's just beginning. And we got off on the wrong foot, and I think it's just foolhardy to just go ahead and throw the whole season out."

Gado should arrive in Houston early Thursday and is expected to available for Sunday's game at Indianapolis.

Morency was informed of the trade about 10 minutes before Houston's afternoon practice, Kubiak said.

Posted by Lenny at 12:29 PM | Permalink

by Joe-Joe

I have to say my call up to the big leagues was a long time in the making. Day after day I’d wake up, check to make sure I actually closed the door to my apartment before passing out the night before, and ask myself, “Did I exhibit enough stupidity last night? Did I do or say anything that could possibly be used as ammunition against me later in life? Did I end the night by leading a chorus of “Artie Mueller” while performing the one-legged Jim Carrey dance?”

You bet I did. Lost cell phones. Trips to the Emergency Room. Confrontations with my nemesis (the “blind” accordion player on the N train). Endless forgotten calls on my Outgoing Calls log. And countless disappearing acts. So me appearing in the Garbage Bag bet is a bit like a bearded woman with a hand growing out of her neck getting a call from the freak show manager of the county fair circuit: you knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.

The price of admission wasn’t bad; I simply had to wear Wonder bread bags on my feet, which were then duct-taped to my calves for the duration of last year’s garbage bag bet bar crawl payoff. I caught a lot of flack for using Wonder Light Wheat, but whatever. Only 40 calories per slice homey!!! Fortunately at the end of the evening the damage was minimal and there was no need for me to make an investment in anti-fungal spray. (Keep that in mind should you ever lose a bet and forced to wear bread bags on your hands and/or feet. Go for the light wheat.)

Unfortunately, I missed the 1:00 games as I was driving back from watching the Syracuse Orange[men] (yes, the first order of business of our new Chancellor was to emasculate our mascot) break my heart 7 times in a row from the two-yard line in the 2nd overtime. 11 consecutive losses…amazingly, they still have 20+ active players in the NFL. But if you see me and I’m “ex-specially” sullen, just give me a beer and tell me it could be worse…I could have been a GATOR!!! (Although I’m fairly certain at least their mascot won’t be gelded. Sheesh!!!)

In any event, much like my bowels after my morning coffee, I am loose and ready to go. Three of us ended up 1-1 after the first week, but much to my delight, I won the write-up by virtue of scoring the most points.

Joe-Joe (1-1, PF 51, PA 44, TD 6)

Philadelphia 24, Houston 10 ***Bag Game***

Philly was a no-brainer first overall pick in the GB2K6 draft – and that was before they landed Dante Stallworth (who, I can imagine, calls his old New Orleans teammates and promises he will “be back to visit real soon” as he squirts lighter fluid on all of his moldy possessions, sets them on fire, and waits for a Phoenix to arise from their ashes.) That Phoenix my friends, is Donovan McNabb’s arm. Only time will tell if he is the Eagle’s aspirin for their Terrell Owens’ headache. An early NFC East matchup next week vs. the New York Football Giants will be a good litmus test for the Eagles.

San Francisco 27, Arizona 34

Who wanted San Francisco? Certainly not me. They weren’t even drafted per se, they fell into my lap as the last available team…the consensus “worst of the worst”. Ah, but not so fast my 1849 gold rush haters! Could there still be gold in ‘dem dar’ hills? Their offense put up some respectable numbers (albeit against a non-existent defense). But the important thing is – and I hope the ‘49ers are reading this (at least maybe a third string offensive lineman, or maybe the backup kickoff tee retriever) – that the Niners matter. They hold the key to keeping me out of the plastic. A tough matchup next week against a Rams squad that will be anxious to get into the endzone, but putting 27 points on the scoreboard is a good sign.

Shanaynay (1-1, PF 33, PA 33, TD 3)

New Orleans 19, Cleveland 14 ***Bag Game***

Ah, married for only two months yet here we catch Fitzy playing with himself already. The optimist says he was guaranteed a win. The pessimist says he was guaranteed a loss. The engineer says Newtonian conservation of energy could only have been achieved if the two teams played to a tie. And the sports fan…he says he was guaranteed a yawn. Would it have mattered to anyone had the score been reversed? I doubt the players themselves even care who won this game. Game Stat: Ruben Droughns 11 carries, 27 yards. I’m pretty sure on a good day the average mattress delivery guy could put up those kinds of numbers. Both teams will be competing in big games next week: Cleveland will be traveling down what I’m sure is a depressing highway to play a well-rounded Bengals team, while the Saints will come marching into Lambeau field with visions of starting the year 2-0.

Randal-El (1-1, PF 23, PA 42, TD 3)

Chicago 26, Green Bay 0
Oh how the mighty have fallen. At this stage in his life, Brett Farve should own every car dealership north and west of Milwaukee ala John Elway. Or cake on the orange make-up and sit behind an NFL anchor desk like Dan Marino. At the very least, he should consider running a couple high-end car washes like Lenny Dykstra and Charles Oakley. But no…not this cheese head. He’s going out about as gracefully as Joe Theismann, only instead of one incredibly gruesome play, he’s drawing it out over several painful seasons. I almost can’t bear to watch. His jersey has had a great shelf life, but much like a Von Dutch trucker hat, I’m guessing right about now their owners would be willing to trade it for a bottle of Miller Light and a punch in the face. Welcome to the Bag Bet, Packers, I hope you enjoy the wonder bread bags tied around your feet. Farve should have more success when they host the Saints in another bag game next week, but a win is far from guaranteed. I predict the Packers will be sniffing around in the free agent market for a QB in the near future.

NY Jets 23, Tennessee 16
I listened to this game on the radio and the thing that struck me most was the canned excitement of the play-by-play guy, Bob Wischusen. He would call a first quarter holding penalty as if it was Buster Douglas knocking Tyson down to the canvas for the first time. The Jets pulled out a 'W' on the strength of a rebuilt Pennington, despite the best attempts of their kicker to throw the game with his squirrelly leg. They won’t be able to survive such futility if they expect to continue their success next week versus the Pats, and must surely hope that Pennington can once again channel the bionic powers of Steve Austin.

L-Drinky (0-2, PF 10, PA 51 TD 1)

San Diego 27, Oakland 0
Wow. Wow. I’m not sure I know exactly what a conniption fit is, but I’m pretty sure I almost had one last night after Ladanian Tomlinson ran all over the Raiders in the first half, seriously jeopardizing the 16 point lead I had over the Ambulance Chasers in the ICWT fantasy football league. Even the commentators – whose job it is to keep the viewing audience tuned into the game - were saying how awful they were. I couldn’t imagine NWA wearing Raiders hat these days…right about now that would be as gangsta as wearing Mickey Mouse ears. Eazy-E must be rolling over in his grave. (Now that I think of it, someone should remind me to visit that next time I’m in LA-LA land.) Oakland did manage to turn off LT’s turbo button in the second half, but they put up a bagel in the points column nonetheless. Oooh, black jerseys, I’m scared. I say they should wear lavender until further notice.

Philadelphia 24, Houston 10 ***Bag Game***
Houston managed to stay out of the bet last year for the first time in its history, but found themselves back in the Land of Misfit Toys for 2006. Things don’t look good for the Paul Stanley’s of the bovine logo world this year, and that doesn’t bode well for Herr Leonard. You have to ask yourself why a team that needed skill at every position would go with a defensive end with their first pick. Were they worried about the likes of Peyton “Lead Legs” Manning and Kerry “Where’s My Walker” Collins running rampant in the AFC South? They had 9 rushing touchdowns all of last year and yet they passed on Reggie Bush. Next week is a guaranteed tick in the loss column as they travel to Indianapolis; I’d give the Texans 17 and still take the Colts and their J.C. Penny catalog uniforms. One thing is for certain: Nobody wants a train with square wheels.

That’s it for this week kids! I'm sure I'll be writing more of these in the future...thanks for tuning in.

Posted by Joe-Joe at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Wow - talk about popping your cherry! Unless tha Raidissssssssss score 45 points tonight (yeah right), Joe will secure the inaugural write-up of the season. I'm going to try to get the standings and scoreboard prettied up tonight in preparation for this monumentous occasion. Joe, I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that I'll be eagerly awaiting this first taste of your mad write-up skillz. Don't disappoint us!

Posted by Lenny at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

We shall go on to the end of the season.
We shall fight in Philly,
We shall fight on the Tundras and Meadowlands,
We shall fight with GROWING confidence and GROWING strength in the Bay Area.
We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be.
We shall fight on the bayou, we shall fight in the dawg pound,
We shall fight in the fields and in the streets.
We shall fight in H-town,
We shall never surrender!

-Sir Winston Overlord

As this year's Overlord, it is my pleasure to welcome you to another season of Garbage! It's a new year with some new blood. Green Bay, Philly and New Orleans will enjoy their inaugural season. Additionally Joe Wendler joins the ranks of the basement patrol. Colin will provide the color commentating this year so look for his not so weekly installment of Colin All Cocks! This year's theme, in case you haven't surmised, is Iron Maiden. There will be many Eddie sightings throughout the season. The site is nearly there and is a perpetual work in progress by myself and (mostly) Herr Leonard.

It's week 1 of the NFL season and not a moment too soon. For those who missed the payoff, here are the results of the draft:

Randie - NY Jets, Green Bay Packers

Lenny - Oakland Raiders, Houston Texans

Shawn - New Orleans Saints, Cleveland Browns

Joe - Philadelphia Eagles, San Francisco 49ers

Any early season predictions? With the exception of Joe's Eagles, the rest of the pool is horrible. Shawn's guaranteed a split in week 1 as New Orleans travels to Cleveland. The only other bag game puts Joe Joe's Eagles at Sven's Texans. Here's the bag schedule:

New Orleans at Cleveland 1:00 p.m.
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee 1:00 p.m.
Philadelphia at Houston 1:00 p.m.
Chicago at Green Bay 4:15 p.m.
San Francisco at Arizona 4:15 p.m.
San Diego at Oakland 10:15 p.m.

Is it me or is it totally weird having 2 monday night games? Whatever. Peace out baglovers!

Let the baggage begin!

Randie

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 6:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)