Ok here I go and I haven't clinched anything yet. Now I'm sure you don't want me to drone on and on about how good my defenses are...I've already done that extensively. At 17 wins I've tied my total from all of last year. There are 8 more bag games so if I go 7-1 I'll break Shawns record from last year (23). It's a stretch. Poor Francis is in line to potentially break the low Win total. He's at 6 right now and the record is 10. Oakland's schedule is finally lightening up with games versus the Jets and Cleveland. San Fran has Houston in week 17 so he should get at least three more. Remember Shawn, records were made to be broken.
I went 2-0 so this is write up number six for me in this glorious garbage bag season. Yeah that's a personal best. I had two last year and three the year before. You wouldn't believe how happy I was that my bag teams played each other two weeks ago. I needed the break which is sad 'cause my last couple of write ups were pretty weak. There are only 4 weeks or 8 bag games left. Lenny and Colin went 1-1 this week and his Bagness Sir Shawn of Fitzgerald had another null set. Now Colin's up by two on Lenny who is up by two on Shawn. It's still anyones bag. Colin only needs 3 or 4 wins to wrap up the Jersey spot. Lenny's Fish have tough games at San Diego and at New England on Jan 1 where they never win but he does play with himself in week 16 so he'll get at least one more win. I know he wants the jersey but I don't think it will happen. What do you think America? Post a comment below and give me you GB2K5 predictions. Who will don the Jersey and carry the football? Who will be the paintfacer? For which team will he paint? I want to know what YOU think!

Awesome comeback by the Dolphins! This is the kind of thing that usually happens TO the Fish so it was refreshing to watch someone else be the dunce. Buffalo played cover 4 prevent the entire second half so I guess I should say something like thanks for being a jerkoff, jerkoff. There's been a lot of talk about the first and goal Buffalo had in the third where instead of running, they passed and got picked off. I didn't end there. The all knowing offensive coordinator kept calling passes in the second half. Now since the Dolphins won with :06 on the clock, one or two runs would have obviously used that time. So I say again thanks for being a jerkoff, jerkoff. This is a coaching loss. As much as I'd love to give the Fish all the credit, I can't.

Minnesota can realistically make the playoffs! Someone up there deserves a huge hand. I don't know if it's Tice or that weird named owner guy but they've cleaned up their act simply by winning games.

And now a few comment from my friend Seymore Baggage:

Yawn (6-18, PF 432, PA 636, TD 46)

San Diego 34, Oakland 10 - If there were a mercy rule in the NFL, I think both Oakland and San Francisco would qualify for it. You know, just forfeit the rest of their games. Well that won't work here at GB2K5 as you all know...these last few games are crucial. San Diego is one of the hottest teams in the league and they're not a lock for the playoffs. Sunday night they took out their frustration on the Raiders. The Gods of Raider Football are placing blame on Kerry Collins so Marques, hang on a second, Tuiasosopo, the loser ass Husky will apparently get the call on Sunday. Why not, the guy's been riding the pine for four fucking years now. This weekend should be a battle of ineptitude in New Jersey as the Raiders face the Jets at 1:00. It's very winnable for the Raiders so there's still hope for Shawn.

Arizona 17, San Francisco 10 - This is what makes the GB2K5 what it is today, giving a shit about a game like this. I mean honestly, 3-8 Arizona at 2-9 San Francisco? I don't know if you can call San Francisco's Team "Professional"? even the bonehead coach! What's even more embarrassing is this: Warner threw for 354, Boldin and Fitzgerald each had over 100 yards receiving and the team scored only 17 points? They ran 70 plays? San Fran had gave the ball away 4 times. Well the highlight was Boldin's 54 yard TD in the 4th. He took a five yard pass and okeydoked his way to the end zone. Tough times for the 49ers as they travel to Seattle this week. First round pick Alex Smith is still searching for his first career TD pass. I'm sure he'll do well.

Randie of the Redwoods (17-7, PF 427, PA 326, TD 48)

Chicago 19, Green Bay 7 - I was watching most of this game and all I really felt was enormous pity for Brett Favre. I know this guy is a warrior but Chicago was beating the literal crap out of him. He was bleeding and swollen and just had this look on his face like I'm getting too old for this shit. I've always liked Favre but I hate to say it but it may be time to hang it up. That guy's going to end up like Nick Nolte in North Dallas Forty all crackly and shit. He's already hooked on the pain killers. Oh and isn't Nolte like 5'4"? Leave it to Hollywood to try and pass him off as an NFL wide receiver. It wasn't a pretty win, the Bears still don't have much offense to speak of. Orton has the worst passer rating of any starter, but he's not making the big mistake. And check this out, Chicago's defense gained almost as many yards (140) as its offense(188). Pretty or not, it was their 8th win in a row, their longest streak since '85. This week they go to Pittsburgh who are spinning out of control, dropping their last four and a tough divisional bitch slap from Cinncy last week.

Tampa Bay 10, New Orleans 3 - Ronde must have gotten absolutely sick of all the press Tiki's been getting this season so he took it out on Aaron Brooks by picking him off three times. Otherwise this was a complete borefest. I'm looking at the stat sheet and the only thing that jumps out is that each team only made it to the red zone once? Didn't Tampa score 30 on Atlanta a couple of weeks ago? I'm sure the Bucs don't care, a win is a win and this helps them get closer to a playoff spot. They roll into Cackalackie this weekend, trailing by one game for the division lead. With a win, the Bucs would take the lead with a better divisional record.

Dol-Fan Lenny (8-16, PF 458, PA 559, TD 50)

Miami 24, Buffalo 23 - Chambers blew up this game as the Fish FINALLY won a close one late in the game. This was the third time this season Miami had the ball late in the fourth down by less than a TD. The other two times resulted in Frerotte INTs but not this time, thanks to the really cool herb, Sage Rosenfels. This marked the largest comeback for ZFish since 1974 and Chambers' 238 yards was the highest total since 2002. Miami is still mathematically eligible for the playoffs, for the time being. Now this is really hard for me to admit, but I'm really rooting for them to lose. You see Chanukah is right around the corner and all I really want...all I really really want for Chanukah...is to see Lenny in Dolphin Teal and Orange next year. Yes that would make him Dol-Fan Lenny! UH what can be better. I spent the better part of my youth having to listen to this dumbass badmouth the Dolphins because he couldn't be a home town fan. No he had to be original and bandwagon himself on to a real "bad boy" team just to prove how cool he was. Yeah he was that guy. Well let me tell Dol-Fan Lenny, you better pray the Fish win out and Tennesse shits themselves 'cause you do not want me paint you up next year. I would consider it to be the equivalent of getting pissed on by FSU fans. Harsh. Either way Dol-Fan Lenny, I'm going to buy you this for the payoff:
http://www.thedolphinsmakemecry.com/store/tdmmc_shirt.html
I'm buying myself this:
http://www.thedolphinsmakemecry.com/store/ricky_williams_bong.html
Anyway the honeymoon is over for Miami :) 'cause they're going to San Diego this weekend.

Indianapolis 35, Tennessee 3 - Another day at the office for the Colts. Someone has to beat this team! I don't know if I can live with the greatest NFL record being broken by that ass ninja Peyton. Tennessee needs a new team. Their current "young team with a bright future" isn't working at all. Doesn't help when you go up against these fuknuts. Fisher's trying everything, he even went for it on fourth something like five very desperate times (1-5). In the end the Colts did pretty much whatever they wanted, scoring on the ground, through the air and a defensive TD. Peyton was 13 of 17 for 187 and 3 TDs. These are not the Titans of defense. Huge break for them this week as the lowly Texans travel to the Volunteer to have sex with your own sister state.

Colon (10-14, PF 424, PA 447, TD 43)

Jacksonville 20, Cleveland 14 - Huge come from behind win for the Jags. Uh when you're playing Cleveland and you have to come from behind is that really HUGE? Whatever dope Jax was smoking in the first half wore off by the third quarter. That or Del Rio scored some meth for the halftime festivities. Whichever, after giving up 243 yards in the first, the Jags D held the Browns to 55 yards in the second and sacked rookie QB Charlie the Frye Guy five times. If the Brown's season hasn't been shitty enough, they lost top receiver Braylon Edwards to a knee injury in the fourth. Cleveland goes to Cinncy this weekend. The Bengals are looking for that first round bye so they won't be resting anyone.

Washington 24, St. Louis 9 - Give the ball to Clinton dammit! You're on a three game losing streak and you're playing the 30th ranked run defense. Run the ball fucko's! Don't pass, run! Run every game! OK OK Portis is my fantasy RB so I was loving this return to the Hog days. Oh and I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Rock Cartwright rushed for over 100 yards as well. After the game, Rock and Dirk Diggler were seen leaving together in a gold '81 Corvette with T-Tops. The Skins travel to Arizona this week who just squeaked by the 49ers. Washington is hanging on to a sliver of playoff hope so they have to keep winning.

Hope to see you all next week when I hopefully clinch. I'll be preparing my inaugural speech this week while the rest of the gang here will be getting out their knee pads.

Peace out in da oh five.

R