My kids are so into Napoleon Dynamite that I keep looking outside for a Llama. The have Ligers on the brain, and are interested in become skilled with the Bo Staff. My dog has fleas. I have the smallest most pathetic little brindle Chihuahua in the word. I would think that the fleas have to jump off of her to have enough room to turn around. Yet the live, in her fury exterior, they thrive. I have washed her with flea and tick shampoo no less than three times this week. I give up. Fleas are all over the place, I want to execute my dog. Behead her and post it on a pet site to teach all other dogs that getting fleas is not acceptable. Also, I got a sweet boat.

On the course for the bag, we use our football shaped sexton, check the North Star and make our half journey adjustments. Keep your eyes open for what I will call: The Captain’s Blog… coming soon from a Lenny near you. Can’t wait… be sure to sign up when the announcement is sent out.

Colin: 8-8

Washington (5-3) 17 vs. Philadelphia (4-4) 10 WIN

The Redskins and Chief Gibbs clipped the wings of the Eagles and sent them walking back to the Liberty Bell on there swollen talons. The whole T.O. crap is just the icing on a cake of non-performance. The Eagles are just missing something. I have a feeling that behind McNabb’s wholesome exterior, that he is an arrogant ass. He can go eat the chunky soup from T.O.’s ass crack. And thank you for taking the lead role in the line of next years bag contenders. That’s right; last place in the NFC east. As a Skins fan, I may be jaded, but I think this team has to underdog capability to peak at just the right time in the season. The possibility of Shawn and Lenny stepping on my loin cloth is becoming less and less. But I won’t count my scalps until we make it through the plains of the middle season. The leaves have fallen and it smells like football. Next week we go for a bag win against Randie’s number one, Tampa Bay. We will make Gruden wear the Indian underwear, the kind that sneaks up and wipes you out!!!

Cleveland 20 (3-5) 20 vs. Tennessee (2-7) 14 WIN

Cleveland has added three valuable wins on my board. I don’t know how they happen but they do. I honestly don’t now much, other than any week can produce any result. This week was a sweet victory against Lenny’s lackluster Titans. It doesn’t take Zeus to knock these elemental powers back to Tennessee. Lenny, my team sucks, but your team really f’ing sucks. Good luck with that. The browns go the Pittsburg to get lathered in Heinz 57 sauce. I don’t see much in the way of hope, but you never know. Both of the Steeler’s losses have come at home. Ben Uselessburger is like a retard with broken legs who doesn’t know to stop walking. Anyone with a sibling or other emotional attachment to a sufferer for mental disabilities, please don’t take offense. Part of living in NE is using the word retard, it no longer has an association with any disease. For instance, the other part of living in NE is using the work Fag, which no longer has an association with sexuality. Like this, “Hey Shaw!?”

“Yeah!” replies Shawn

“You’re a fucking fagot retard.”

“Oh.” Shawn mumbles as he hangs his head. The oxygen from Shawn’s slowly inhaled breath has been robbed away; life seems to way heavy on his shoulders as his conscience absorbs his co-workers comments. But Shawn knows that Tim was right, he is a fagot retard. On the flip side, Tim thinks nothing of returning home to his gay lover, Corky.

Rolin: 10-5

Chicago (5-3) 20 vs. New Orleans (2-7) 17 WIN

Clock management and a whole lot of luck, and Muhsin Muhammad, gave the Bears the upper hand with a last second field goal to avoid overtime. I know that Bears attack and can be vicious and all, but the hibernate. Football is played in the winter; who the… what? Not a big win here. I understand that the hurricane hit… but that knuckleheads are rich. Katrina impacted them like a bout of bad gas after a night on the town. The Saints suck, the will suck for a long time. As for the Bears, despite their curious name, they have done Randie well. I hope they start to lose a lot.

Tampa Bay (Gay) 14 vs. Carolina (6-2) 34 LOSS

I hate Tampa Bay and their coach… what a loser. This game was commonly referred to as‘Domination’ by the Panthers. I think they are starting some homeless guy at QB this weekend… good thing the league doesn’t test for Ripple. Jesus Christ almighty. JG is a moron, and his face need to be cut off. But I will take it because the Skins have a good chance to shut down what is commonly referred as (but can’t quit be in the Bay) offense in Tampa. I don’t sense too many firings of the canon this weekend.

Sholin 5-11

San Francisco (2-6) 6 vs. New York Giants (6-2) 24 LOSS

Now here we enter the land of the hopeless. Shawn joins Lenny in picking 2 of the 4 worst teams in all history. I am waiting for mini Manning to get hit so hard that he forgets that his brother is fucking Kenny Chesney; but this has yet to happen. This bag season must not be fun for Shawnny this year, his only hope is to not wear the bag. San Francisco is so bad that you can’t even really comment. Shawn and Len are virtually tied for the cinch sack, and it looks as though it will be a race to the finish. San Francis will go the Chicago, get stuffed into deep pans and delivered back to the bay area in defeat.

Oakland (3-5) 23 vs. Kansas City (5-3) 27 LOSS

Don’t believe the hype. Flavor Flav wouldn’t even have picked Oakland with the number one overall draft pick. But they were expected to do great things. They don’t do it though, week after week. It’s at the point now where even a win feels like a let down. Shawn is probably watching Lenny’s teams more that his own, hoping for losses of his bag-mates rather than hoping for wins for himself. Denver comes down from the mountain this weekend. They will deliver a blizzard of touch downs and rushing yards. The Raiders will spend hours after the game looking for their owner’s strange looking sun glasses under the stadium seats. Looks like another 2 and 0 for F. Shizzle.

Lolin 5-12

Tennessee (2-7) 14 vs. Cleveland 20 (3-5) 20 LOSS

Le Titans. This group has to stop taking the free tours at the Jack Daniel’s facility on Saturdays. Or something, the routine has to change. The Tennessee Titans are performing as well as Shawn Juan’s Francis co. And that is ok by me. My browns needed the boost and the Titans delivered, Milk Bones for everybody. This weekend Tennessee has off, not that they deserve it, but they do. Perhaps this will give them time to scout the nations high schools before the but Thanksgiving games. The ethnically ambiguous McNair claims that they are learning from losing. Well, he is going to be a fucking doctor by the end of the season, because shit isn’t going to get better for these assholes. Keep losing guys, thanks.

Miami (3-5) 10 vs. Atlanta (6-2) 17 LOSS

Even the coach says they don’t look so good. When the ball is not being run, that don’t look so good. I am surprised at the lack of hubbub around Ricky. He most be damaged from all that crap. He was never a loud guy, but man… one interview on 60 minutes and it is back to work. Miami is actually convincing themselves that they can beat the Patriots this weekend. Well, good luck with that, guys. Even with the Pats getting spanked a few times this season, Miami won’t get their hands on that ass. So keep wearing that aqua marine with that stupid frigging dolphin wearing a dumb ass college helmet with an orange fucking M on the side and keep losing you bong hitting losers. Lenny and Shaw are toast.

That is it for now. Shawn is going to try to get me to wear a jock strap with peanut butter smeared in it. This seems extreme given that it seems potentially worse that wearing the garbage bag it self. We will see what happens.

Take care, and keep an eye out for that blog. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!