by Randie Swanberg

So many write ups, so little time. I want to start off this week's installment by properly ripping Vinny and the Jets. Vinny, you are horrible. And Herm, what the fuck goes on in that dense cranium of yours? I mean, how is this guy still the head coach? I can't recall anything intelligent every coming out of that moron's mouth. In fact, the only thing he's good at is saying dumb shit in press conferences. Oh here's one:

"I'll tell you right now, I'm going to make some mistakes...I'm not a genius. There are only a couple of coaches in this league that are geniuses, and I'm not one." - Jets Coach Herman Edwards

No shit sherlock. There's only one player on the field that can single handedly give the game away, so why put your team's hope in a doddering neanderthal on Monday Night? Have you heard the new joke? Vinny tried to commit suicide after monday night's game, but he sucks so bad he couldn't even do that. He tried to put the gun to his head but fumbled it and shot himself in the foot. Tits! I don't know how Jet fans can tolerate this. Wasn't it this asshole who blew it for your team in the '98 AFC Championship game? It's not all Vinny's fault, however. Pennington has not played a full season in his entire career. Nice. I thought I hated these guys but now there's no end to the fury. For those of you not in the know...my FF team was playing Atlanta's D last Monday night. I was up by 14 to start the game and the impossible happened. Vinny not only shit the bed but kind of rolled around in it, smearing it on himself. Then he started to eat it, and that's when I turned the TV off. I need a classic Fitzgerald tension breaker...

Here it goes

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGG
GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHRRRR

Much better.

The good news this weekend was me going 1-0 and getting back to back write ups! That's right, back to back bitches. My Bears eeked one out over the Ravens, evening their mark at 3-3. Tampa had a by buy bye so I get in on a 1.000000000 winning percentage. Colin and Shawn went 1-1 while Sir Leonard of Herold had to sit and watch Zona shatter his hopes of a split.

What did we learn this weekend?

Lesson #1: Well the Bengals can't beat a team with a winning record. I thought for sure this would be Cinncy's day; I was way wrong. Pittsburgh played the daddy pimp once again and bitch slapped the Bengals on their own turf.

Lesson #2: You don't need positive yardage to score points! Miami had a scoring drive of minus -4 yards.

Lesson #3: Just because you score more points, it doesn't guarantee you a win. At 1-5, Green Bay has outscored it's opponents 144-118????

Lesson #4: LaVar Arrington really needs to be on the field. One week after watching from the sidelines, Arrington had a monster day vs (albeit the lowly) 49ers, leading the team in tackles. He also leads us into our next lesson...

Lesson #5: Don't trade your 2nd string quarterback just two weeks after you demoted him. Arrington clobbered Alex Smith last Sunday and since the all knowing front office traded Tim Rattay to Tampa Bay, the hopes of San Francisco's season lies with Ken "Good College Quarterback doesn't translate to good Pro Quarterback" Dorsey.

And now for the ba ba ba baggage:

Shawn

Buffalo (3-4-0) 17, Oakland (2-4-0) 38

Oakland finally got their heads out of their asses and fed the pig to LaMont Jordan all game long. Jordan had a fantasy dream game with 3 touchdowns and 122 yards. Oakland finally got to whoop dat ass as Buffalo was their first sub-elite opponent of the season. Apparently LaMont had a little chit chat with Norval during the week about his role in the offense or lack thereof. Well nice coaching Norval, I think you should let Moss call the offense next week. Wow and I just read this: Oakland scored more than 20 points for the first time this season. This is what we expected this season from the Raiders. Their small run versus sub standard teams continues this week when they travel to ***BAG MATCHUP*** Tennessee who just suffered an embarrasing loss at Arizona.

San Francisco (1-5-0) 17, Washington (4-2-0) 52

Bitch Slap du jour. Not much of a contest here. I've read stories about Colin's kids tag teaming Shawn's nuts but I didn't expect Colin to get in on the action. Brunell is en fuego! My boy Clinton had a huge breakout day. He had zero touchdowns going in but cartwheeled out with 3. So the skins break their little two game losing streak by thrashing the Niners, BFD. It's hard to applaud when you're going up against a team who threw for 54 yards passing...I don't care how good your defense is. Let's see how they do this week when they go to the Meadowlands. The Giants are hot I tell you.

Randie

Tampa Bay (5-1-0) bye

The Bucs had a successful bye week. They brought in some flash animators from ivillage who taught the players how to make really annoying web movies http://www.buccaneers.com/intro.aspx How can he have a hook on his foot? That's right, the Bucs get to try out their new offense on the Niners this week in the other bay area. Hopefully three years as a backup learning the system will help young Simms and perhaps answer the age old question of what is the proper way to groom a quarterback in the NFL.

Baltimore (2-4-0) 6, Chicago (3-3-0) 10

So was this the defensive battle we all expected or a deplorable performance from two of the leagues worst offenses? I though for sure this was going to be a field goal battle but Orton actually threw a touchdown pass. If Chicago could muster any kind of offense they'd be the killer team in a really weak NFC. Regardless, Chi-town's in a great spot heading to Detroit this weekend. They've already beat the crap out of the Lions this year and this time the winner will take the lead in the NFC Norris division.

Lenny

Tennessee (2-5-0) 10, Arizona (2-4-0)

How much does Lenny hate Arizona? It's bad enough we painted him up like a tranny turning tricks at ASU last year. Last Sunday we watched Arizona do to him what they couldn't do for him all of last year. It was actually a close game until a crazy tip-drill style interception return for a touchdown for 61 yards put the Cards up by 10 early in the 4th quarter. The Titans are feeling pretty awful about themselves right now as this was a game they certainly should have won. Scoring 10 points on 348 net yards is shameful. I guess we'll see how they rebound this week although it's not looking good for them...even at home.

Kansas City (4-2-0) 30, Miami (2-4-0) 20

In the Friday Night Special, all KC had to worry about was shaking off a bit of jet lag. It was the first time a team travelled and played in the same day. It obviously didn't bother them a bit. The Dolphins suffered their third loss in a row as the Chiefs went from the tarmac to the playing field and back to the airport without missing a beat.

Colin

San Francisco (1-5-0) 17, Washington (4-2-0) 52

Dude. I mean, someone in San Francisco must have really pissed off the football gods. No Alex Smith this week vs Tampa. I wonder if it will really make much of a difference?

Detroit (3-3-0) 13, Cleveland (2-4-0) 10

This game sucked. Cleveland plays Houston this week.

The End.

Randie

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 10:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

by Randie Swanberg

Hey it's my second write up of the year. I think I had two all of last year. There were some close battles this past weekend in the NFL including two OT games, however there wasn't much in the way of closeness for most of our bag teams. Plus there were toooonsss of key injuries. Unfortunately I was tuned into the Dallas vs NY Giants catastrophe (for FF reasons) last Sunday and was entertained by what was arguably the worst game I've ever seen played. Hey Bledsoe why don't you drop another ball on the ground asshole. Many of this weeks' games decided who really runs the cellar in the NFL this season and foreshadowed what we baggers may expect for next year.

Both my teams won decisively, opening up a two game lead over Colin who went 0-2. I was feeling pretty good about things until I saw that Griese tore an MCL and ACL and may be out for the year. Looking ahead the schedule gets tough. Of the Bucs remaining 10 games, 5 teams have winning records. Three bag match-ups in this stretch (including one where I play with myself) so I'm looking for at least a split which would put them at 10 wins. Not bad for a team that was picked to barely scrape 6 wins together. Hopefully an overhauled Caddy will help them go on a good run. Of the 11 remaining games for the Bears, only 3 teams have winning records and 5 of the other 8 have only 1 win for the season. Now this looks good on paper but Da Bears aren't winning games with finesse. They're leading their division at 2-3 and have a 2-0 divisional record over the 2-3 Lions.

By comparison, Red Flag Fitzgerald's Skins have 3 easy-ish games left (2 vs Shawn) and Old Man Brunell is throwing up a ton of yardage to my boy, UM alum, Santana Moss (oh wait I don't think he ever graduated). The Browns have probably the easiest schedule remaining but they suck more than Michael Jackson at a boy scout convention. Oh and Flash Caard, the PBJ rule is in effect. No not peanut butter and jelly, it's the peanut butter jock!

Z Fish shit the bed yesterday as a really good Tampa D spoiled Pothead's return. Ricky had only 11 offensive touches yesterday which was cool 'cause it afforded him a few sneak a tokes in the tunnel. Hopefully Ricky will step up his performance this week and consequently up his trade value; perhaps to the CFL's BC Lions 'cause he knows that's where the good shit comes from. Unfortunately I don't think BC can afford an 8 million dollar yoga instructor. Oh and this just in...who the hell is Cleo Lemon? Is he related to Meadowlark? I just looked him up on Yahoo! Sports and he didn't even have a picture. Feeley must have really pissed someone off to be exchanged for a newly promoted third stringer. I suppose this is Saban having to deal with the front office's past mistakes. Remember last year the Fish gave up a second rounder for Feeley. Awful!

LT went for the TD cycle at the Raiders' (and Shawn's, and Lenny's) expense yesterday. He had like 26 fantasy points! LT owns the Raiders with 620 yards rushing in their last 4 meetings. To add insult, Moss left in the first with bruised ribs and a strained groin. The worst thing Al ever did was hire Norval Eugene Turner. Uh what's a Norval? The Raiders without Moss are in serious trouble. Look what's happening to the Vikes without him. Hey F Shawn, you're looking mighty Bagalicious this week.

The Broncos are proving to everyone that they're for real. Ok so they almost totally blew it in the end but hey, whatever, they still get the W. Shanahan apparently let the Snake loose and it worked out for a couple of long scores. No one's loving the Pat/Brady demise more than me (well, perhaps "Tuck Rule" Herold). You know things are starting to come apart when your OL Coach is teaching the "Cockpunch" as a blocking technique. They have a ton of injuries yet they're still 3-3 in a weak division but only New Orleans has given up more points this year. Oh yeah and the bone head award of the year goes to Ted Bruschi for returning to practice after suffering a stroke in the offseason. Way to go knucklehead! You're going to blow another head gasket.



And now it's time for the baggage:

Shawn

San Diego (3-3-0) 27, Oakland (1-4-0) 14

This wasn't as close as the score indicates. As I mentioned before it was the LT show this weekend in Oakland. How bad is it when an already devastating running back runs right then pulls the ball up and tosses a slow floater into the end zone for the TD. I swear, he made Oakland look stupid. The Bolts jumped out to a 24-7 halftime lead and the Mossless Raiders could not catch up. With Collins' 50% completion rate on 48 attempts and a pick combined with 8 penalties, performances like this may have the Raiders bag bound next year as everyone else in their division seems to be coming on. They have the distinction of being the only AFC West team to lose this past Sunday. Way to go! The Raiders' schedule is tough and they can't catch a break this week. Willis McGahee, a UM alum, Holcomb and the division leading 3-3 Bills come in to Oak-town fresh off their thrashing of the Jersey Jets.

San Francisco (1-4-0) bye

**BAG MATCHUP** The Niners travel to our nations capital this weekend. If they were smart they'd go a bit early and petition the Senate to force Tagliabue to institute a mercy rule in the NFL. It might save them the complete drubbing they will receive. Hey it's San Fran...let Arrington play! Let him play! Let him play!


Randie

Miami (2-3-0) 13, Tampa Bay (5-1-0) 27

So I lost Griese to a sprained knee which really sucks for me 'cause another underachieving son of a great (was Phil Simms ever that great?) takes over the reigns with newly acquired Tim Rattay as the backup. The Bucs have a bye buy by this week which means they'll have some time to teach Chris Simms his right from his left. From there they travel to ***BAG MATCHUP*** San Francisco where they'll take their turn kicking the Niners and consequently F Shawn in the nuts.

Minnesota (1-4-0) 3, Chicago (2-3-0) 28
The Vikes are in such disarray that they hired an ex-FBI Agent to chaperone all future booze cruises on Lake Titicaca. Minnetonka?? Whatever. A position that was cut by former owner Red McCombs to save money. Now the players involved could face Federal Charges. "The Mann Act" became law in 1910 to combat white slavery and more specifically was designed to punish those accused of taking women across state lines for the purpose of prostitution. The responsible party could face up to 5 years in prison. It's relative because the Love Boat chicks were from Atlanta and Florida. This team is hooorribble! They are bag bound for sure. Embarrassing isn't the word for it. So the timing was perfect for a 'not so good offensively' Bears team to come into town and bitch slap them around. Bang Bang was looking for a good W to stay tied with Detroit. This week the Ravens come to the Windy city. They're looking really shitty this year and now they're without reigning Defensive Player of the Year, and UM alum Ed Reed who is out with a high ankle sprain. His status is uncertain at this point.


Lenny

Miami (2-3-0) 13, Tampa Bay (5-1-0) 27

I thought this was going to be a good game as these teams know each other very well from practicing together so much during the pre-season. Alas I was wrong and had mixed emotions about it once again. The Bucs are just too hot and coming off their first loss they were ready to tee off on a pretty hapless offense. The Brown/Williams backfield was held to 64 yards rushing and Frerotte was sacked four times. Anyway let's not give Tampa Bay too much credit. Miami had 9 penalties (the first time they weren't in double digits in penalties all year), one of which cost them a touchdown, and two fumbles, one of which was returned for a touchdown. What the hell man? Being a Dol-fan always meant you were number one in the league in least penalized and least sacked. My how times have changed. Shula hasn't been there in ten years, jesus has it been ten years already. Miami has KC this week. Since the fish just gave up 180 yards rushing to Tampa Bay, look for Priest and Larry to have big days.

Cincinnati (5-1-0) 31, Tennessee (2-4-0) 23

The Titans were showing signs of improvement but ran into another hot team coming off it's first loss. Cincinnati's the talk of the league right now and Palmer's finally paying off. It looked liked the Titans had the game but a cool headed Carson threw to his favorite Johnson with 4:19 left to put the Bengals up for good. Still the Titans came back only to cough it up twice in the final 3:09 to seal their defeat. The Titans get a small reprieve this week as they travel to Arizona who has only one win.



Colin

Cleveland (2-3-0) 3, Baltimore (2-3-0) 16

Loser battle du jour. I really don't know what to write about this. The Browns seem like that up and down buffer team that other teams usually look over; which explains their two wins this year. When was the last time they were good? The Browns O finally restored the Baltimore D to glory by amassing a piddley 186 total yards with 2 fumbles and a pick. The big purple D showed no respect to their former QB's first time back by sacking Dilfer 4 times and forcing him into 3 turnovers. Cleveland hosts Detroit this weekend who embarrassed Baltimore last weekend and just lost a close one vs Carolina.


Washington (3-2-0) 21, Kansas City (3-2-0) 28

This was the best bag game of the week as the Skins showed at the very least that they can keep up with a high powered offensive team. It was also a game of big plays. An 80 yard fumble recovery for a touchdown created a momentum swing for KC and a battled ball in the endzone in the waning seconds sealed the W. So the Redskins who started out 3-0 have now dropped two straight which is unfortunate for the Skins, but great for me! Now they're 3-2 and at the bottom of their division. But things are looking up. This weekend they get to cockpunch San Fran into submission.





See you next week!

SWAN

Posted by Randie Swanberg at 09:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

By Lenny Herold

Finally! For reasons that shall remain unspoken, it is now TRULY football season. F baseball, F hockey, and F summertime... I'm ready for some barbeques, bourbon, and games where it's so cold you need gloves to drink your beer. Seriously, all football games should be played in the snow. What's better than seeing five 300+ pound O-linemen, snorting steam in unison like a team of stallions? Okay, OTHER than winning the lottery or spending a weekend as Heff's "special guest" at the Playboy mansion, ya fuckin' perv!

As if the Saints haven't had enough problems this season, they had the extreme misfortune of running into a very pissed off and seriously underachieving Packer team. The Pack broke open the keg of whoop-ass, ringing up 52 (!) without giving up a touchdown. Yikes! Despite the big win, the Packers are swimming up a river of dookie with nothing but their pride to propel them - they had already lost their best wideout, their best running back, another top receiver, their starting center, and both starting tackles are gimpy... and then Davenport breaks his ankle. Ain't that a bitch? The Pack could easily get into the proverbial cinch sack in the NFC North, but you have to admire their heart.

F. Shawn's New England Tuck Rules pulled another win out of their soiled, stinking asses in the final seconds against the Dirty Birds. Playing a resilient, yet Ron Mexico-less Falcons team,
they blew (and I mean that literally) two two-touchdown leads, yet still found a way to get into the missionary position so Vinatieri could anally rape Atlanta. While we're talking about the Patsies, I'd like to mention that Tom Brady is a pansy-ass, metrosexual little girl who should SHUT THE FUCK UP already. Waaaah, Marty mentioned our team in his press conference.... don't talk about my momma! Or else I'll... I'll... cry like a little bitch about it?! Gimme a break. Anyone who actually LISTENED to Shotty's comments would be able to tell that he was actually trying to pay the Patsies a compliment by saying that even THEY, the apparently super-human lords of the perpetually hapless AFC East, must succumb to injuries every once in a while, and that there was no shame in it. But of course Brady had to act like Shotty called him chicken, made fun of his hair or worse, told him to stick his head in doo-doo. Grow up, dickweed - you've got 37 Super Bowl titles, and poor Marty's lucky to even have a job.

There was another, uh, classic battle between the Iggles and the How 'Bout Them Cowboys this weekend. Everyone who drafted Donovan McNabb in their fantasy league wants to kill themselves right now. I was absolutely SHOCKED to see Meshawn and Bledsoe screaming at each other on the sidelines... shocked I tell you! Why would any team want either of these guys? I know Bledsoe's playing fairly well right now, but you can just feel that he's going to screw the pooch sooner or later, like always... and this was just the 2,478th example of "Meshawn being Meshawn." The Cowboys are clearly the all-washed up team... all Parcells needs to do now is to pull Otis Anderson out of retirement to make this team complete. I've heard Jerry Rice is also available... oh I forgot, he's never played for the Tuna before, so no chance of signing him.

The competition for Overlord status is becoming as stiff as Peyton Manning at a Kenney Chesney concert... oh wait, I used that one already. But it's so much fun! Anyway the end of Week 5 finds a resurgent yet red-flagged Colin at the top of the heap. The man's in first place, but he somehow couldn't find time to do his write-up last week... oy the agony! ooh the shame! One more missed write-up and we'll make HIS privates public for a game, all right. F. Shawn suggested making him walk around with peanut butter in his jock strap all night.... ewwwww. Still, if you're fortunate enough to win a week, you've GOT to get your write-up done, otherwise incur the wrath of the rest of us pirates. The battle for face-paint is a neck-and-neck slugfest between myself and Randie right now - seems like it will all come down to which QB-less squad is worse, da Bears or zee poisonous Fish. And bringing up the rear... as it should be... is Captain F. Shawn Shitzgerald, who was dumb enough to take my Raiders with the first pick. Enjoy the Norv and Kerry variety hour for the rest of the season, because I can't bear to watch.

And now... on to the baggage!

Shawn (2-7-0, PF: 155, PA: 249, TD: 18)

San Francisco (1-4-0) 3, Indianapolis (5-0-0) 28

I never thought I'd say this, but bring back Tim Rattay! I needed a receiver in one of my fantasy leagues this week, so I picked up Brandon Lloyd... and then I found out San Fran was going to start Alex Smith. To say that he smelled like teen spirit would be a massive understatement - four picks, and the Niners' offense mustered a pathetic 177 total yards. Needless to say I got a big fat goose egg from Lloyd. I know the Colts' defense is good (I can't even believe I'm saying it), but jeezus, the fucking Gators could have done better than that. Shawn could easily break the record for least wins in a season this year (which I think is 7). Sorry little buddy, but you're boned.

NEXT WEEK: Bye buy by

Oakland (1-3-0): THANKFULLY, not losing because they didn't play.

NEXT WEEK: San Diego

Randie (5-4-0, PF: 115, PA: 118, TD: 17)

Tampa Bay (4-1-0) 12, NY Jizzettes (2-3-0) 14

Holy shit, is that VINNY TESTAVERDE starting for the Jizzettes?! I mean, I realize a heroin-addicted midget would be better than Brooks Bollinger, but I remember this asshole coming out of the plane at the Fiesta Bowl wearing army fatigues back in my sophomore year of high school. That was almost 20 years ago... how is this decrepit old sonofabitch still walking, let alone playing? In any case, being subjected to this game made me wish it was baseball season aga..... naaaaah, that's bullshit, but yeah, it was really that boring. Surely Herm Edwards' post-game news conference was a lot more exciting... that guy says more ridiculous shit to reporters than any football coach I can think of.

NEXT WEEK: **** BAG GAME ****
vs. Miami: a pivotal matchup for second place!

BAG GAME: Chicago (1-3-0) 10, Cleveland (2-2-0) 20

This early-season bagathon between Randie and Colin produced more mistakes than the SAT test I took after drinking a fifth of Jack in high school. Never before has the NFL seen a game started by two QBs worse than these. Trent "I Somehow Have a Super Bowl Ring" Dilfer vs. Kyle "I Thought
This Was My Redshirt Year" Orton. Dilfer, looking like a cross between Shaquille O'Neil and Casper the Friendly Ghost, somehow threw two TDs in a total of 38 seconds (that's one third of his season total!) to beat da Bearssss after he'd been as bad as a QB can be in the first half (two INTs and 6 points). Still, Dilfer wasn't as bad as Orton, who coughed up the ball late in the game and allowed the Shitstains to put the game away. The only thing worse than this game is knowing that this matchup has to happen one more time before the season's over. Lord help us.

NEXT WEEK: at Baltimore

Lenny (4-5-0, PF: 185, PA: 191, TD: 21)

Miami (2-2-0) 14, Buffalo (2-3-0) 20

This game was so terrible, so inconsequential, that it didn't even merit a mention on the Monday morning SportsCenter. I can't figure out what to make of this Dolphins team. I mean, for obvious reasons drafting them made me nausieous, but early in the season I thought they might make it seem like a good choice... and then they go and shit the bed against a team like Buffalo. The Bills benched J.P. Losman (somehow I had this guy on one of my fantasy teams too.... yikes) and it seemed to ignite their offense (20 whole points!!!). Still, zee Fish had the ball with a couple of minutes left to play, down by 6... that is until dumbass Ronnie Brown (I know he's borderline-retarded, because he went to Auburn) coughed up the football and gift-wrapped the win for Buffalo. I swear I'll never draft a team I hate this much again.

NEXT WEEK: **** BAG GAME **** @ Tampa Bay

Tennessee (2-3-0) 34, Houston (0-4-0) 20

Wow does Houston suck. Not that the Titans are a bunch of world-beaters, but Houston is just terrible. What do you expect when you fire your entire offensive staff right before the season starts? Tennessee played flawless football - nothing spectacular, but no turnovers - while the Queers went a miserable 0-13 on third down. You can't win a Pee Wee League game playing like that, Dom! I know he went to scUM, but I have to give props to young Jarret Payton, who got pulled from the depths of the practice squad due to Travis Henry's suspension (why don't you stay home and get blunted for the rest of the season? they're better without you) and scored his first career TD. I'm sure Sweetness is proud up there. One more thing about this game... for some unfathomable reason, the Titans actually tried the "fair catch kick" right before halftime. WTF?!? Was Jeff Fisher chopping up rails with Henry before the game or what? For the uneducated, this is when you attempt a field goal off a tee, as if you were kicking off... I cannot for the life of me figure out why they would try such a thing. Oh by the way, the kick was no good... fucking tools.

NEXT WEEK: Cincinnati

Colin (5-3-0, PF: 127, PA: 132, TD: 12)

BAG GAME: Cleveland (2-2-0) 20, Chicago (1-3-0), 10

I know I already wrote about this game, but it "bears" repeating - if you somehow got stuck watching this game, you probably wished you'd spent the time pulling out your fingernails one by one. I'd rather be fellated by Lynne Cheney than be subjected to this (*shudder*).

Washington (3-1-0) 19, Denver (4-1-0) 21

You just knew Colin's Injins
couldn't remain undefeated forever, but it's the Broncos I can't figure out... didn't they cut Tatum Bell a few weeks ago?! How many goddamn running backs do they have over there, anyway? They're playing in what was supposed to be a tough division, but since the Raiders are playing like an over-40 beer league team, Denver's running away with it. Regardless, this game was uglier than Mark Rypien, but Washington made one more mistake than Denver and fell from the ranks of the unbeaten. Good thing too, because Colin has been winning a little too much for my liking lately.... although I have to admit a reversal of fortune from last year's payoff, i.e. Colin hazing F. Shawn, does sound delightful. It should be an interesting remainder of the season.

Until next week.....
bag voyage!

L.

Posted by Lenny Herold at 01:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

By Colin Fitzgerald

So since this is a week late it will be short and sweet, keep an eye out for Lenny's week 5 write up coming soon. Basically, they gave me the write up because I had the most points in a single and 3 of us had a bye. Whatever, I am in big trouble with the GBL authority. My humble apologies to all of the fans of the Bag.

Wow, so now I have to do at least one "extra" shot during the payoff next year. I am so late with this write up that F. Shawn has actually proposed that I wear a jock full of peanut butter next year. This is what I have to say about that: Fuck peanut butter.

Maybe it is because the new job is so crazy, and so watchful from an IT perspective. Perhaps it is because when I get home I have three kids wanting to read stories and play football. On a side note, I have been thinking... Maybe God truly does intend for us to pump out as many kids as we can, because it seems to also be on his agenda that every child's unspoken goal is to violently remove their father's genitals; or at least smash them into oblivion. I am not sure, maybe it is because I am still so in shock from Lenny's attempt to introduce culture to this foolishness. Lenny, I must high coup your haiku; so ahh chu and I say bless you.

Basically I can't believe that the Skins and the Browns are stepping up for me. I am actually excited about my teams and the season to come.

From the North East, The City of Champions is turning to the City of Zombies as the Patriots find out what it is like to have an injury riddled defense and the Red Sox blow the AL wild card. At least those five hundred World Series rings actually meant something for the six months that they have been around... keep any eye out on ebay.

I will give you some one line updates and you can get the current scores and standings from Lenny's timely week 5 update.

Shawn:

Oakland beat Dallas by a touchdown, I can't complain because I hate Dallas. Oakland not looking as strong as we all thought. San Fran got spanked in Mexico City by the Caaaaaads. They suck, hopefully they loaded up on tequila before they came home because that will be the only good thing that happens to them this year.

Randie:

Randie's teams look tuff. Tampa Bay slowly rolled over Detroit while Chicago took a rest this week.

Lenny

Miami had a bye week... Ricky better be drinking that goldenseal or whatever it is he masks the weed with; and somebody get him some toothpaste. The phins are blowing it right out of their blow holes. Tennessee was spanked by Manning 1 and the Colts. Good Luck Lenny.

Colin:

My only game of the week was a win in OT. Washington puts it in second gear and just keeps it chugging... out of Seattle and all the way to Victory Town. Browns had a week off.

 

Thanks for tuning in... and sorry of the gap in the Bag!

Colin

Posted by Colin Fitzgerald at 09:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)