Week 2
By Randie Swanberg
I was sitting in a bar in Toronto last sunday and watching the 4:00 games. I was drinking "The Great Taste of Canada in a Bottle," LaBatt's Blue which tastes like a combination of shit in a tin can and shit. But it's everywhere. I felt like a toothless ex-hockey player recruited by a couple of loser 30 somethings who live with their parents. They were trying to over throw the Evil Brewmaster but needed my help battling a couple of stormtrooper clad psychotic hockey teams, okay. I felt a little weird, like they spiked my beer! Really, okay? All I wanted was to sit and have a beer ay? And then I was like, whoa in the movie it was Elsinore Beer and not Labatt's and that the drug probably wasn't a mind control drug but my Rogers Centre malaise. You see Lily and I went to the Yankees games there this weekend and there's some shit that goes on there in Canadia that we just couldn't believe. The crowd of 30,000ish was so fucking quiet you could hear a mouse fart. I mean nada, zilch, not a peep, we could whisper to each other easily. There were a couple of losers in front of us who were sort of cheering. We started making fun of them when no one else in the stadium would jump in with them and the girl stands up and asks if we would help them start the wave? Start the wave? It was the 8th in a 2 run game with runners in scoring position and you want to start the god forsaken wave? Listen I'm sorry I'm a bit stuck on the wave thing but...but that's baseball and I must digress...
Ok. I was fortunate that the Fish vs Jets game was on. Oh I was so proud of my week 1 fish but somehow I knew the ride would be short lived. It was bittersweet, of course, as Sven has them as a bag team. So I really wanted them to play really hard and come real close but lose the game. That's right lose the game. I expected them to suck this year. I've wanted them to suck for years! This team has wallowed in mediocrity for my entire life! In order for them to return to championship form the must hit rock bottom. Well rock bottom lasts a few years, that is, unless they made some stunning off season acquisitions that I was unaware of. Oh, aside from Gus Frerotte. Yeah I don't see any signs of improvement here. I don't even see the potential for improvement. Not this year anyway. Maybe when the dope fiend returns. Don't get me wrong I like Saban and what he's doing but I'm still bitter about the organization's decision to let Gus Frerotte and AJ Feely Battle out the QB spot this year. Have fun with them Len.
It was an 0-for-weekend for the reigning Overlord, perhaps foreshadowing some horrible weeks to come. Business as usual for the Frisco Kids dropping some huge Lenny sized ass gas on the field. So poor Fitzy has to rely on the original Silver and Black (butt) Pirates for W's but their tough schedule may yet make him Ye Overlord of Cornstarch.
Colin went 2-0 this weekend but I got the write up on points. Right now we're both tied for the Overlord at 3-1on the heels of the miraculous come from behind win by the Skins last Monday night.
On to the baggage...
Shawn (1-3, PF: 68, PA: 120, TDs: 9)
San Fran (1-1-0) 3, Philadelphia (1-1-0) 42
This was a classic smackdown in the style of a UF vs. Middle Tennessee State game. The niners gave up almost 600 yards of total offense while achieving a whopping 142 yards of their own. TO, in his first apperance back in the bay had five catches for 143 yards in the first 20 minutes! The 49ers waited 'til things got really out of hand and then inserted first round draft pick Alex Smith who went 0 for 1 on the last drive of the game. Things don't get easier for the 49ers as a seemingly resurgent Big D rolls into town. At least things are back to normal for Shawn...dogs and cats were not sleeping together in week 2.
Kansas City (2-0-0) 23, Oakland (0-2-0) 17
So I guess the Chief's D is for real. It certainly saved their ass in the first couple of weeks. They apparently had three guys covering Moss on a fourth and goal from the 10 with 1:58 to go. How does that leave no one open? Poor Poor Lenny and Poor Shawn. As if losing a close one at home to a division rival isn't enough, the Raiders travel to Philly this week. Clearly a battle of the top WRs. I think it will be the Philly D that will chop the offense into little pieces spread, them out and douse them with cheeze whiz and eat them like a sandwich from South Street.
Randie (3-1, PF: 88, PA: 31, TDs:11)
Buffalo (1-1-0) 3, Tampa Bay (2-0-0) 19
Ca Ca Ca Cadillac. I think the fish took the wrong Auburn back. This kid started out the season with back to back 100 yard performances, making him a premiere fantasy pickup. This week he did it on a bum ankle. The Bucs D is definitely back holding McGahee to 34 yards on 13 carries and second year QB JP Losman to 12 of 29 for 113 yards and 3 picks. Man my defenses are KILLING! I should not have to worry about Points Allowed if it comes down to a tiebreaker. It's the battle of the Bays this weekend as the Bucs roll up to the not-so-frozen tundra to battle a bleeding Packers team. Normally I'd say that Favre would have a huge rebound game after his dimal start but the Bucs defense is playing too good right now so look for the them go shock everyone and start the season 3-0.
Detroit (1-1-0) 6, Chicago (1-1-0) 38
Joooeeey. Joooeey Haaaringtoon. Come out and plaaayyy. Sorry Joey can't come out today, he's still ashamed of throwing 5 picks (one returned for a touchdown) last week. Wow does this guy suck. I never understood the hype. The Bears almost scored for the touchdown cycle: 2 rushing TD, passing TD, int return for TD, punt return for TD. All they needed was a fumble return for TD and a kickoff return for TD. The true test for the Defense will come this weekend when the also surprising offensive juggernaut Cincinnati Bengals come to town. Chad Johnson's already had a lot to say (what else is new), and he'll get his yards but the Bears bring in their 7th ranked D. Many people are picking the Bears to win their division (mostly because all the other teams in the North suck).
Lenny (2-2, PF: 73, PA: 71, TDs: 8)
Baltimore (0-2-0) 10, Tennessee (1-1-0) 25
Pretty lame game apparently. Baltimore has no offense to speak of what with Anthony Wright leading the charge. Tennessee got up early, taking prisoner #23789912 Lewis out of the game. The Titans D gave up 424 yards of offense last week vs Pittsburgh so this was a nice little ego boost for them. This week they go to St, Louis. I don't know what to make of the Rams this year so this is a tough one to call.
Miami (1-1-0) 7, NY Jets (1-1-0) 17
Zee poisonous fish will kill you faster zan zee bullet! Excuse me did you say poisonous fish? Yes! The Jets were embarrassed in week 1 so I knew they'd take it out on the fish. The Dolphins D held them in the game until the 4th when Frerotte put them on the board to make it 10-7. But Chad and Co. actually showed some chutzpah and drove down the field to seal the victory. Two more games and the fish may have a running game! If Ricky can't come in and carry the team literally on his back like he did two years ago then the fish are in the deep frier. Extra crispy sir! Miami hosts Carolina this week who just came off an unbelievable upset of the defending Superbowl Champions so what do you think's gonna happen?
Colin (3-1, PF: 62, PA: 71, TDs: 6)
Cleveland (1-1-0) 26, Green Bay (0-2-0) 24
Oh the pain and suffering. Things are really fucked up in Green Bay when lowly Cleveland comes in and steals a victory. The Packers D made the ageless balding wonder Trent Dilfer look good by throwing for 336 yards and 3 touchdowns. Sloppy play by GB helped Cleveland to their first W of the year but don't get your hopes up. The Browns travel to Indy this week so expect to see a lot of Dwight Freeney sitting on Dilfer's head.
Washington (2-0-0) 14, Dallas (1-1-0) 13
Unbelievable! Crazy Comeback. This one was bittersweet as well. I was happy for Santana Moss and the pure fact that it was happening but sad Colin gets the W. I just wish I could have known so I didn't have to watch all that ineptitude and just tune in for the last 3 minutes. The skins have a bye buy by and then host Seattle.
Later Party People!
Randie