WEEK 8 By: Lenny Herold

My first write-up of the season! Somehow I've found a way to scrap my way into a first-place tie (although I am ahead in the loss column, Shawn has more points). Early forecasts had 12-15 wins as the estimate for a win in this bet, but the resurgence of several of these teams has pushed that estimate higher. At the season's half-way point, both Shawn and I have a whopping 9 wins - unbelievable for a bunch of last-place teams from a year ago. Without further adieu, on to the trash talk!

Another team was dropped from the ranks of the unbeatens Sunday when the Vikings were shocked by the G-Men. It's hard to believe Minnesota could lose to this team, as the Giants look terrible and Randy Moss is in career form. Unfortunately for the Vikes, Culpepper threw his first two picks of the year and former Gator Ike Hilliard had a huge day. Minnesota wasn't the only shocking upset victim, either - somehow, the 49ers and Seahawks also found a way to screw the pooch. The 49ers are a complete mess right now - when you cut your $2MM kicker, then his replacement misses five field goals in two weeks, you know you're in trouble. Serves 'em right for hiring a mediocre college coach - this team will be broken up in the offseason. The Seahawks kept pulling wins out of their asses in the first few weeks of the season, but this time a couple of late rallies came up short. The NFC West is a crapshoot right now, as no one seems good enough to win it. Tennessee continues to roll behind the MVP-calibur year Steve McNair is having, and Indy eeked out a win against the scrappy Texans. More on that later.

What's with these fires in San Diego? I mean, I understand moving the game, but to Phoenix? How many people do you think will be at the game? About 6?

You know it's a sad state of affairs when my Raiders are on a roll - because it's a bye week, and I would be happier than a pig in shit if this week's game against Det-wah was a remix of the Patsies' 9-3 win over Cleveland. Yuck.

In other news, the Jizzettes, Eagles, Browns and Lions STILL suck so bad, they are all painful to watch. Surprise!

On to the BAGGAGE!

Shawn (9-6, PF:363, PA:314, TDs:46)

KC (8-0): Holy shit, this team is fucking ROLLING. Holmes has been unstoppable for a while, but now they're getting Dante Hall into the mix offensively and their defense is starting to really dominate. They made Bledsoe and the Bills look stOOpid last night. It's sickening that a last-place team from a year ago could go undefeated at the half-way point in the season; it's ruining the integrity of the bet! When Randie took Buffalo with the #1 pick, Shawn was probably foaming at the mouth. Randie may end up with the cinch-sack as a result of that crucial error.

Detroit (1-6): Wow, these guys really suck ass. Harrington's pinky is fucked, plus he has no one to throw to and no running game. I would say the Lions probably won't win another game this year.... except they're playing the Raiders this week. Let's Go Tuiassossopo!!!

Lenny (9-5, PF:279, PA:281, TDs:28)

Carolina (6-1): There's a new "Jake the Snake" in town, and his name is Delhomme. This guy is not making any mistakes, and when you have Stephen Davis in the backfield, that's all you need to do as a quarterback. Davis should be the NFC MVP - he is absolutely pounding people. New Orleans got a great game out of Horn, but a crucial turnover by the Dooooooooce in OT cost them the game. Carolina has been saving my ass all year, and this week was no different as they got their 4th OT win on the road this season. If I win the overlord position at the end of the year, I might buy a Panthers jersey just for fun. Big bag game against Colin and Houston next week.

Cincinnati (3-4): Oh my G-d, where do I start? What can you say about these Kitty Kats? At the beginning of the seasn, it looked like they might never win again, and now they're pulling games out of their asses all over the place. Dillion was supposed to play, but.... he got into a fucking CAR ACCIDENT ON THE WAY TO THE GAME?! Are you serious? Shawn suggested that the Bungles might have made it all up as an excuse for benching Dillon ("you're benched this week. Why? Because you're a total asshole. For your sake, we're going to make up a crazy excuse.") Rudi Johnson was the first Cincy back not named Dillon to go over 100 yards in a game since '97, and the fans were chanting his name. Many Dillon jerseys in the stands had tape covering his name, and things like "Crybaby" written over it. Dillon's days in Cincy are numbered. Hopefully the Kardiac Kitties will keep pulling out wins for me, starting with next week's Bag Matchup against Randie's lowly Cards!

Colin (7-7, PF:158, PA:185, TDs:15)

Dallas (5-2): Dallas was brought down to earth in a loss to Warren Sapp and the Pewter Butt Pirates in Tampa. Coach Tuna has only been shutout five times in his career, and you can bet there will be some auxilliary assholes ripped open this week in practice. Next week they are at home against the hated Redskins, and Spurrier really needs a win... it will be intereting to see where this team goes from here.

Houston (2-5): The other team in Texas almost pulled out a win against a very good Colts team. Losing Carr could really hurt them, and Colin needs them to provide a few more wins if he wants to win this bet. On the bright side, Dominick Davis looks pretty good, and could take some of the pressure off Tony Banks while Carr recovers... or at least the Texans should hope so, because - NEWS FLASH - Tony Banks is a really shitty QB.

Randie (6-9, PF:241, PA:341, TDs:28)

Arizona (2-5): Arizona pulled out a shocker against the San Francisco Sorry Whiners this week at home for their first victory against the Whiners in 10 years. Marcel Shipp ran rampant over San Fran's porous defense. Wow, how shitty do you have to be to get pushed around by the Cards? And how many people were at this game? About 6?

Buffalo (4-4): Randie had a chance to make a big-time jump in the standings, but Drew Bledsoe wasn't having it. Bledsoe can look great at times, and terrible at others; last night was the latter. You have to give some credit to the Chiefs' D, but Buffalo has too many weapons offensively to be 4-4. Buffalo has a much-needed bye to get healthy next week, but after that they have two Bag Games in a row versus Colin's teams - at Big D, and at home against Houston. Those two games will go a long way towards shaking out the standings for the rest of the Bag Season.