WEEK 14

A late season note from the soon to be hefty poster child: I was glad to see a return to glory by most of the bag teams this past weekend. Or should I say a return to suck. As I dejectedly slumped down to my beer amongst the irritating cackles of the nearby pats fans, I could only wonder: if I went on a ballistic rampage and strangled evey one of them, could I plead temporary insanity at the trial? I could see my bare hands wrapped around the throat of this old jackass wearing a Troy Grogan jersey screaming in some incomprehensible Bostononian dialect. My thumbs pressed into his atom's apple and approached the crush threshold of his larnyx. Oh the fury. Is it possible one can hate so much? It even harder when your girlfriend's a fan of evil. Such is the life of a fan of the fish. Sure I can easily say fuck the pats fuck them in their stupid assholes. But how can I when it's my team that blows? Jesus, they flounder in their own pathetic mediocrity. I'm calling it out right now. The Dolphins will seemingly have their fate in their own hands. Win out and get the last wildcard spot.They will lose to the Jets in week 17 and narrowly miss the playoffs...again.

Wow that was some pathetic drivel!

So yeah I've begun the metal preparation associated with wearing the bag. I'm studying the ply of certain brands. I was in cad mapping out a ventilating hole placement sytem. I'm still deciding whether or not it's worse than painting your face? I guess I'll find out next summer when we embark upon our night long game of asshole in which...you guessed it! I'm the asshole! But perhaps I can play the role of the jets...hoping one of my bag teams ruins the presidency for someone. It's kind of sad really that I get the write up so late in the season when my desity's all but been decided. Plus I get a week where every team lost but one. There should have been more weeks like this.

Shawn (15-11-0, PF:597, PA:561, TDs:72)

KC : Clinton Clinton Clinton. Not the sharpest pencil in the box but the brightest spot of my day. God damn that boy's good. I kept looking up at the other TV saying jesus another one? It was a great shootout in the second half. Like playing Madden practice mode with the defense turned off. The dark spot is that the Broncos will be fighting the fish for the last wildcard spot. Aside from a tough one in the Metrodome, KC will coast into the playoffs at home vs Detroit and Chicago. Fuck. I should have realized this was Vermeil's 3rd year. Like I need another reason to despise the all time perennial loser-Bills or myself for picking them.
Detroit : Not much to say about this game. Both these teams suck really bad. But still it was a nail biter to the very end, Harrington's hail batted down to preserve the V. How can LT be so good and his team be so crappy? The shittiest part about it is I may have one of these teams next year. Oh I hope not. Flutie's a ball licker. I hate him.

Lenny (15-11-0, PF:529, PA:546, TDs:57)

Carolina : Shawn said last week that their slide will end. Uh, no, not this week. Welcome back Mr. Vick. Get lost Mr. Reeves. If things continue on pace...Atlanta may be one of the best bag teams next year. Carolina? hmmm. they lost their mojo. But I think they'll find it soon. It's a couple of bag games at hapless arizona and home for d'trois. Although the cards have been tough at home this year. In fact their only wins were at home. That's something. And a couple of teams they beat are one game out of the playoffs now. Anyway the panthers finish at the g-men who are on a five game losing streak. This couldn't be any easier for them. They should go 3-0 and roll in the playoffs. Between this schedule and KC's, we won't know the victor until the final week of the season.
Cincinnati : Another great 'Cane leads his team to a blow out victory. I guess the Ravens wanted to remind Cinnci who runs the AFC North. Five turnovers six sacks...these are the bungles I know. Their schedule could prove dishartening for Len as he races towards the finish. Home for San Fran but at St. Louis...ouch. finally wrapping up the season at home vs the Browns. If they can go 2-1 then it probably cinches the Presidency for Len.

Colin (13-13-0, PF:447, PA:561, TDs:50)

Dallas : Although they went up against a confident McNabb and a rolling Eagles team, it was their own mistakes that cost them the game. I love watching pro football and seeing a long snapper send it out of the end zone (unless directed to do so). Come on? Usually the only thing these guys do is snap. QC and his 70.8 QB rating threw two picks that turned into Eagles scores. However it's Big D's remaining schedule that puts me in the sack. Their next three teams are a combined 15-24, perhaps allowing them to squeak into the playoffs.
Houston : A banged up Houston went into Jax and came out with, um, no points and a whopping 124 yards total offense. Sure they were without Carr and Domanick Davis but it's sad when the hilight of your offensive performance is when your quarterback gets his first completion...of his career. There will probably be no more W's for the Texans this year as they wrap up with Tampa, Tennessee and Indy. I do have one small request from whoever the Bag Overlord is...that I get to paint Colin's face!

Randie (9-17-0, PF:394, PA:598, TDs:44)

Arizona : Wow I feel like I'm reading the subtitles from the chinese groundskeepers from Major League. "They're shitty". Yes Arizona continues to suck. That is all I have to say.
Buffalo : Why did I pick this team? I should have known better. So much hype early this year. Wow they beat the jets. Henry ran his nuts off...in obvious fear of the 'Cane waiting to take his spot. I think Bledsoe still thinks he's batman, throwing a career low 72 yards. It was the D that finally lived up to it's billing holding the jets to 215 total yards and two field goals. Now it's off to Tennessee who's looking to bounce back, home for Miami and finishing at New England. Hopefully the NE game will be meaningless and they'll field a bunch of scrubs. Thanks Buffalo. Thanks for a great year, fucking cocksmokers.